The ProofrEADJer: All Comics Edition

UAG

EADJ Super-Sneak Peek with Kathy

Hello. I'm Kathy, administrator and blogmaster of Eat A Dick Joel. Although I work mainly behind the scenes at this website, maintaining it and doing lots of administrative work (ugh, paperwork!), I am stepping out from "behind the curtain" just this once to tell you about some blog entry ideas that didn't quite make the cut.

Lots of these are still under development and may actually see the light of day, so here's what you MAY have to look forward to (crossing fingers!):

• Pube or Strand of Wire?
• Microwave Heckler- a segment where we heckle the instructions to your favorite microwavable food items
• EADJ "Feel My Balls"- pretty self explanatory
• Let's Dial a Random eBay Auction Number Into the Phone and See Who Answers!
• Parts of a Vagina- a non-snarky, serious look into female anatomy
• EADJ Concierge Hassle- we call a fancy hotel concierge, pretending to be a guest, and order a hooker. When the hooker arrives, we have sex with them. Hilarious!
• Slipping a Hard Taco Into a Stranger's Pocket and Then Punching It- video segment
• What Is the Deal With Booger Glue? (A 14 Part Series)
• Bryan Dixon Writes Angry Letters To Large Corporations
• The Wolfman Decrees
• EADJ "Falcon Crest" Fan Fiction Corner


Stay tuned to EADJ, and keep your eye out for any of these fantastic new blog entries! Or not.

Push It

So, you're back from Thanksgiving, and you've gained several pounds. No problem– everyone puts on a few over the long weekend. Here are a few quick ways to help trim down to your regular, doughy self:

• Stop eating until you lose the weight you want
• Instead of taking the bus to work, run at a full sprint
• "Accidentally" lose a leg on the escalator
• Picture Nancy Grace when you eat
• Binge, then exercise regularly and eat right
• Bake chicken nuggets to be extra tough so that you can burn more calories chewing
• Masturbate while eating a hot dog to simulate something or other
• Eat protein shake powder straight from the packet... maybe snort it
• Do jumping jacks whenever you're on hold with customer service
• Eat one rice grain at a time until the sushi bar throws you out
• Try not laughing when you fart. Hard, right?
• Eat lots of greens like spinach, broccoli and Shamrock shakes
• Start preparing your food like you don't mean it, so your body doesn't expect it
• Stop falling asleep at the pizza bar at Godfather's Pizza with your mouth full
• Squat thrusts make your butt bigger, so keep doing them, baby, yeaaahhh


Pictured above, Joel reunites with C-K co-worker Bryan Dixon.

An Oral Tradition Passes On To The Next Generation.

In Vegas, Mel Kreilein tells the others the legend of the infamous "El Cheapo Luncho" incident.

Jay Leads the Las Vegas Men's Chorus.

Let's Keep Sending Snow Globes As Gifts To the EADJ Mail Sack, Even Though It's Stated Clearly That It Doesn't Collect Snow Globes Anymore!

Submitted by Vince Soliven, a screenshot of the K-Y viral website where Vince had repeatedly tried to insert Bryan Dixon's name in it but was banned for being "profane."

On the Warpathmark

Sometimes Entries Don't Need a Write-Up.

Hellooooo, Demetrios!

(pictured above, a page from Chicago Social Bridal reveals the true identity of Jim Korakis– He's actually Demetrios, the god of freedom)

Congrats to the happy couple!

UPDATE: (from Wikipedia) Demetrios (Δημήτριος) is a Greek Orthodox christian name, derived from the name of Demeter, the Earth Mother, or ancient Greek goddess of dim is beastagriculture (????????? fucking Wikipedia). A common english transliteration is James or Jim. This is thought to be a common transliteration due to the proximity in date between St Demetrios and St James day in Christian Calendars.

Dollar Store Throwdown Madness!

An innocent trip to a strip mall got Joel and his chimp servant Chad Yarborough in a heap o' trouble.

The two were "checking out" a new smoothie place over by the tanning salon over by the gym with windows facing traffic– pretty standard stuff for LA. But their trip was interrupted by the discovery of a new Everything-In-the-Store-For-a-Dollar store. Couple that with the fact that Joel just got a $200 paycheck for some freelance work he did in March 2003, and you got a heap o' trouble. I said that already.

So before you could shake your dick in a shotglass of maple syrup, Joel and his chimp servant Chad Yarborough had knocked over 3 displays of stale off-brand cereal to get to the plastic mandals. His shopping basket was filled with pickle harmonicas, oversized crayons and a "Keds" branded incense burner. Employees of the store were desperately trying to calm Joel down, but he was just fucking shit up every which way. Lemme tell you, it was a HEAP O' TROUBLE.

Authorities had arrived 20 minutes later and arrested Joel. All of the merchandise was left with his chimp servant to purchase while Joel was being carted away, but unfortunately the paycheck hadn't been endorsed on the back yet. And the signature "Chad Yarborough" wouldn't match, either.

(pictured above, Bryan can do nothing to control Andrew's rage)

Iko Iko Eat a Dick

A furious argument between Joel and his chimp servant resulted in a shutdown of internet access for the entire apartment complex. Mrs. Jannis downstairs complained that she was busy reading plot summaries for "Passions" when it shut down. Jimmy and Duncan in 3A were chatting with whores on the True® dating network. Bryan Dixon was updating his myspace page for the 8,644,301st time, adding some photos of some city in the Czech Republic. I forget which.

Joel and his chimp servant apologized to most of the complex. Except for old Mr. Fischer, who has yet to give Joel back his dick bowl from that potluck dinner.

(pictured above, Emily S rubs her strep ass all over the Café Kriv)