UAG

Coming Soon To The EADJ Crappinema: "Frankenhood"

Sergei's Eisenstein's "Battleship Potemkin," or simply "Potemkin," has been a landmark of cinema since its release in 1924. Eisenstein pioneered a dynamic, virile and consciously expressionistic style of editing, now known as montage, that according to many reinvented cinema and defined it as autonomous art. Through juxtaposition, rhythm of cuts and the sheer scale of the Russian uprising depicted, "Potemkin" stands as a monument of technical and artistic achievement in film.

"Frankenhood" is probably not "Potemkin."

How To Fake a May Pass for the NJ Transit

Here's a handy way to avoid paying an entire month of NJ Transit fares.


NJ Transit unwisely prints each month in the same color. So what you can do (although EADJ does not hold any responsibility for you choosing to do so) is write a "Y" on the free space on a previous monthly pass...



Cut it out...


...and tape over the "R" on your old March monthly pass.


It does a pretty decent job of looking like a May pass, and on a busy, moving train, a conductor might not notice.


But on the more likely chance a conductor does notice it's a counterfeit...


...the cell sink provides some good handholds for you to brace yourself during unrelenting prison rape.

Ad

Spotted in the "Pets" section of AM New York, an ad for HydroControl dog harnesses:


"With benefits?" With an ellipsis?

Oh, you know. We sell these traditional harnesses...with benefits, wink wink. You know. With a little something-something on the side, you catch my drift? A little "how do you do"-type of (whistle sound) action, a little afternoon walkies delight, 'na mean? Wink wink, say no more?

You get FREE SEX with these harnesses, is what they're saying.

Well, Gee.

(pictured above, proof that someone at work is lying on their timesheets)

Let's Floss The Popcorn Kernels Out From Between the Teeth of the EADJ Mail Sack!

Submitted by Andrew Gall, photos of a clown limo that was "inexplicably parked in our agency parking lot."




I'm glad the clowning industry doesn't need bailing out.

Whoa.

I'm not a motorcycle rider, so I don't know if this is super-common or not. But I noticed that a neighbor's bike has a cup holder on it:



Please tell me that's not for coffee.

Seriously Nast-a-roni.

Monday morning, I came across a ginormous roach in the hallway. Again. I took a photo with my watch, you know, for scale:


Regular EADJ readers may find this photo very familiar. That's because an almost identical picture was posted in a November entry.


That is not the same roach, but shit, it actually seems BIGGER. Which begs some seriously disturbing questions:

1) What the fuck?
2) We're on the 23rd Floor of this building. How can roaches this huge thrive up here?
3) Roaches only thrive where there's a lot of food waste. Is someone hoarding food in their office?
4) How dirty is my watch now?

Prop Comedy with Garbage

(pictured above, Tom does a sidewalk production of either Cat On a Hot Tin Roof or as Bailey on Party of Five)

On the Warpathmark

Feed a Meter, Eat a Dick

Joel got punched in the throat by a meter maid.

The incident happened yesterday on La Cienega Blvd when Joel was parking his Ford Festiva outside of Republic Restaurant + Lounge for a Terrible Screenwriters Guild dinner. A posted sign stated "No parking from 11am-5pm Mondays thru Fridays" and Joel parked at 5:10pm. In the middle of dinner, he left the restaurant for a smoke, and a meter maid was writing him a ticket!

Joel understandably got upset and started to argue with the meter maid. He explained that he had parked at a legal time and didn't deserve a ticket. The meter maid started ripping up the ticket and casually asked Joel what he does for a living.

He told her he's a screenwriter– that he's written for shows like "According To Jim" and "Wicked Wicked Games." That's when the meter maid punched him in the throat.

(pictured above, Joel's Chinese cousin Xiu Huang Whatever wins a cockdog eating contest)

Let's Not Tell the EADJ Mail Sack That We're Engaged, Then Try To Seduce Her and Then Jerk Off Into A Sink When She Rebuffs Our Advances!

(below, submitted by Boulder EADJ reporter Mel Kreilein, the hottest Halloween costume this side of the Mississippi)