The Urban Air Adventure Park Sock Policy is Bullshit

Spotted at Urban Air Adventure Park:

"All participants must jump in re-usable Urban Air Socks." So admission is dependent on the SALE of socks that you can ONLY get there.

Nobody is asking the real questions here, like if the International Association of Trampoline Parks has a financial stake in making Urban Air socks mandatory and only for sale at Urban Air. ISN’T THIS A CONFLICT OF INTEREST, IATP?

We Asked 4 Single Orcs From Middle Earth, "What Do You Look For In A First Date?"

"Well, first off, one of the things I'm definitely not looking for is to be a replacement in a rebound situation. You'd be shocked how many people enter the dating scene too soon!"

- Muzgash, 73

"I like first dates with no pressure. And that can even mean having other people around to keep it light and not too focused on the one-on-one. And if that doesn't count as a date date, sue me!"

- Ohomdud, 89

"I'm a hopeless romantic, so even at my age I'm looking for that spark, you know? That tingly feeling you get when you just click with that special someone. Also, I enjoy disemboweling as an activity."

- Vambag, 136

"I know this won't be a very popular answer, but I put zero faith in first dates; it's on the second and third one where the magic really happens, where you can zero in on someone's vibe and know their rhythms and quirks. It's probably around the fifth date where I reveal that I work for Sauron– not exactly something you advertise on dating apps!"

- Eichelberbog, 94

The Proofreadjer: Mid-July Edition

Not A Great Way To Express Your Love

Pictured above, another one of my dumb Facebook friends.

Similarity

Pictured from left, Ranee Wü, Günther.

New Video Segment: EADJ Changes the Ending To a Porno

Coming Soon to the EADJ Crappinema: My Boys Are Good Boys

As part of a double featured DVD of Ida Lupino movies (????), My Boys Are Good Boys crosses the teenage energy of All The Kind Strangers with the heist/scam action of Shell Game, creating a hybrid Crappinema feature that almost guarantees to take a poop in your mouth.


Or maybe it's just a very subversive title about Ida Lupino's boobs.

Use It Or Lose It

7 Terrible Substances To Masturbate With:

1) Cayenne Pepper Sauce with Capers

2) Lava Soap

3) Liquid Nitrogen

4) The tears of a martyr's widow

5) Ironically, that shampoo that makes you cum

6) A mixture of wood shavings, ball bearings and guacamole

7) Piping hot oatmeal

(pictured above, the Hater's Ball is apparently right off the 4 & 5 express lines this year)

Hellooooo, Demetrios!

(pictured above, a page from Chicago Social Bridal reveals the true identity of Jim Korakis– He's actually Demetrios, the god of freedom)

Congrats to the happy couple!

UPDATE: (from Wikipedia) Demetrios (Δημήτριος) is a Greek Orthodox christian name, derived from the name of Demeter, the Earth Mother, or ancient Greek goddess of dim is beastagriculture (????????? fucking Wikipedia). A common english transliteration is James or Jim. This is thought to be a common transliteration due to the proximity in date between St Demetrios and St James day in Christian Calendars.