Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Hulu This Month

Due to contract changes or whatever the shit, the following movies and TV shows will be removed from Hulu this week:

• Amazon Prime: A Netflix Original

• Naked Catholic Mass

• We Recreate "Stranger Things" Using Stranger Things Merchandise

• Piano Wire: A Pianist/Assassin Weighs In

• Turducken: A Show Within A Show Within A Show

• Jaws 1, 3, and 5

The following movies and TV shows will be added to Hulu this week: 

• Jaws 2. 4 and 6

• Foolish Beach: The Unauthorized Debbie Gibson Biography, In Bikinis

• Everything I Did To Your Mother Last Night

• Let's See If This Flushes

• Cooking With The Brönte Sisters

• Furry News

• Bitch, Fleas (a pet grooming show)

• Toddlers React To A Bad Smell

Some Hollywood Movies Based On A Pediatric Nurse's Scrubs

Hollywood is plumb out of ideas, so studios have turned to their next obvious resource for scripts was the scrubs of a pediatric nurse in Summit, NJ. Here now are some films currently in development:

"PALS" starring Joaquin Phoenix and Martin Lawrence

Two goofball friends-of-cops (but not cops themselves!) find themselves in a wacky citywide mystery when their cop roommates wind up dead at City Hall. Featuring Brent Spiner as the mayor.

"Me & You"

From the writers of "This Is Us", this romantic drama stars the kid from "Ready Player One" and that model chick from "Suicide Squad" who always looks pissed. Also starring Kristen Stewart as the perky older sister.

"Side-Kick"

Fan favorites Tonto and Robin come out from their partners' shadows to fight crime THEIR WAY! Starring Adam Beach as Tonto and Danny Pudi as Robin. Also featuring Jean Smart as Darkseid.

"U Me & Us"

From the writers of "This Is Us", this romantic drama stars Eva Longoria, Teri Hatcher, Nicollette Sheridan and Marcia Cross. THIS IS NOT A DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES REUNION.

"DAWG!" starring Randy Jackson

This loosely-based-on-reality film follows American Idol judge Randy Jackson as he discovers a world of things that are going to be a "no" for him. Directed by Spike Jonze.

"BFF" starring Jacob Tremblay, Mackenzie Foy and Caleb McLaughlin

Nostalgia time! This 80s childhood comedy-drama-coming of age story follows three friends who share a watering hole during their last summer together. Featuring the music of Debbie Gibson, Tiffany, Howard Jones and Oingo Boingo. It directs itself.

Happy New Year From Eat A Dick Joel!

2018 has been a long, miserable slog of a year. Here's to 2019 being less long!

Love, EADJ

Here's the Latest Batch of Shit Advertisers Want You To Say Goodbye To

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! 

The Most Common Answers That Soccer Bunny Gives During ESPN Interviews

• "Yeah, I'm a goalie Soccer Bunny. That's why I get to touch the ball with my hands."

• "No, in Europe, I'm still known as Soccer Bunny, not Football Bunny."

• "Yes, that's supposed to be my likeness on the bottom of the box."

• "About $680 million a year."

• "As a matter of fact, yes. I'm dating Bella Hadid."

• "I'm not going to answer that question. But I'll just say that I'm part Moroccan."

• "Four."

• "No siblings. Although my cousin is a chocolate shark in Walgreen's."

• "No, $3.68 doesn't sound like a random, arbitrary number to me."

• "Hmm... Probably Seth Myers, Rebecca Black and Indira Gandhi."

• "Missionary."

• "No, I can't do any product endorsements since I am a product myself."

• "'The Shack' by William P. Young. It is so inspirational."

The Force Is Weak With This One

When you're a big Star Wars fan like me, you tend to order Star Wars crap however you can. So when you have something awesome sent to your house, like a full suit of Stormtrooper armor or a glowing lightsaber with a tooled aluminum handle, you're bound to get put on some mailing lists and inevitably receive junk mail for lame Star Wars crap. Like this from the Hawthorne Village Collectibles:


No, your eyes do not deceive you. That's a Star Wars-themed old time style locomotive. So when they said "a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away," they meant in the 1800's in Great Britain.

But did they do cheesy airbrushed murals on the side of trains back then? I don't know, but if this train is a rockin', gas ass or grass- nobody rides for free.






And just in case you were wondering, yes, there actually is a train in the Star Wars universe. The below video is from the N64 game "Rogue Squadron "Rescue On Kessel" level, and it actually has a train on tracks that you're supposed to defend. But the train floats midair, so that's totally Star Wars-like and not lame.



I look forward to seeing other anachronistic technologies in the Star Wars universe like hover rickshaws and laser lean-to's.

Dut Dut Dut Dut Racist Appliances!

Fourth of July Preparations

As the holiday weekend approaches, EADJ urges everyone to exercise caution and care when helping your toddler light M-80s.

It is in this spirit that we feature a recent item we got in the mail: The Phantom Fireworks brand catalog:


The 30-page catalog boasted an impressive array of fireworks in their stock. But more interesting were the item descriptions.

(Click to enlarge and read)

Click It Or Ticket!

Law enforcement agencies throughout the country will be cracking down on unbuckled motorists and their passengers as part of the annual “Click It or Ticket” campaign. The catchy campaign has been very successful for the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration; last year, the seatbelt usage rate in New Jersey alone rose for the 13th consecutive year. As a result, government agencies are scrambling to replicate this program's success. Here are just a few of the newly-proposed efforts:

"Wicket or Picket"


The U.S. Department of The Treasury has suggested that due to a flagging economy, people should invest their money in either buying a home (thus the "picket fence")– which will be guaranteed to appreciate over time– or in providing or caring for Wicket W. Warrick, a curious, adventurous Ewok from the forest moon of Endor. Young Wicket will teach Americans about living in concert with the environment, saving money by recycling, and battling gigantic two-legged Imperial scout walkers with logs and rope. Logs and rope.

"Frigate or Stick It"


How will chartering a three-mast, 18th Century warship help school kids? The U.S. Department of Education says by forcing them to work as a team to rig the masts, load and fire the 28 carriage-mounted guns, and maintain and clean the crew's quarters on the "berth deck." Those kids too weak or unwilling to live and die on the high seas can alternately watch the 2006 MTV-funded gymnastics movie "Stick It," which teaches the exact same lessons.

"Limpet or Tikrit"


The U.S. Department of Transportation has suggested that every citizen rent and watch the 1964 Don Knotts comedy "The Incredible Mr. Limpet," wherein mildmannered Henry Limpet experiences his fondest wish of being transformed into a fish and assists the US Navy in hunting German submarines during World War II. This program, they say, will encourage good citizenry and even get more people to enlist for the military to be deployed to Tikrit, Iraq. Critics of this controversial recruitment program are quick to point out that Tikrit is actually pronounced tik-REET.

"Quick Chek or Briquette"


Actually, I'm fresh out of ideas now. Nothing to read here. I'm surprised you made it this far. This entire entry was pure bullshit. So, congratulations, you outlasted me. Dick.

Let's Stick the EADJ Mail Sack With the Check When We Clearly Ordered More Food Than It Did!

Submitted by Andrew Gall, whose ad agency is on the same street as a bunch of hookers:

"Shots taken two consecutive days just outside my building."