UAG

Here Are Your Timesheets For December 22

Hi guyyyyyyz!

Cameron the intern heeeere. ✋ I was asked to send a reminder re: TIME SHEETS 💰 since Judy 🎀 and Hachiro ☯ weren't in the office today!!!!!! So pleez bare with me while I plant a 🔥 under your BUTTS to FILL in YOUR time SHEETS ToDaY, PeOpLe! 🚺 🚹 😁😂😊😉


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Here are the job numbers💰💰💰💰💰✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍💰💰💰💰💰:

23759: Giving a shit

32888: Taking a shit

99314: Cheating results for your "Shark Tank" presentation

80650: Diddling your core

17477: Spacing out on that actor's name

33720: Preparing the stagecoach for the long winter's trip

74284: Cupping Martin Shkreli's balls

08821: Really leaning into the punch when hitting your Dad

765772: Mocking the disabled (Donald Trump only)

10039: Debating the Ninth Doctor Who vs. the Fourth

35772: Remembering that actor's name! Daniel Stern!

63636: Printing your resume on the nice paper at work, leaving it in the printer like a dumbass

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

Every song on this album is in the key of "sea." Get it? SEA? Get it?

Kent never liked using crosswalks. Especially when he's crossing an airport runway.

Where did Consequence find satin pajamas for a kid? I bet Sylvester Stallone is wondering who burglarized his bedroom.

"You got any more of them hat pins, man?"

Say what you will about Cartoon Lil Flash - he does practice good trigger discipline.

A man can only take so many episodes of "The Talk."

Mike regretted riding in the back of his aunt's El Camino through Atlanta's "paved" streets.

There's something wrong when your mixtape cover makes you think less of the rapper and more about Zappos.com's return policy.

Amazingly, this album is all tender love ballads with backing vocals by John Legend and Norah Jones.

Coming Soon To A Theatre Near You: "Avalanche Sharks!"

Hot on the "success" of the Asylum's straight-to-video movie "Sharknado," some studio named Titan releases their own preposterous disaster movie with "Avalanche Sharks." It's interesting to note that Titan executives decided to abandon the shark/weather formula for a shark/natural disaster storyline. It's taking these type of wild risks that make a Hollywood studio so bleeding edge and a nurturing garden for originality.

Here's the trailer for the thing:



And once again, EADJ offers their tagline services for the movie poster:

Sharks!

Let's Compare Yahoo Maps' Route To That of the EADJ Mail Sack!

Submitted by Barry via text:

"When I saw a bowling alley arcade gift (1,250 points needed) this disturbing, I knew you had to see it.