Showing posts with label Unfortunate stock photo choices. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Unfortunate stock photo choices. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 22, 2020

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Restore A Cast-Iron Skillet


Cooking in cast-iron cookware has taken off in kitchens across the country for some very simple reasons: it's versatile on almost any cooking surface (stovetop, oven, grill, even an open fire), the more you use it the better it performs (over time, it will build a natural non-stick surface), and it lasts forever if properly cared for. Occasionally, though, your skillet might require a full restoration, especially if rust is present. Here's how to fully recondition a cast-iron skillet before use:

1) Remove all the rust with some fine steel wool. Scour the skillet until you see the raw cast iron.

2) Wash the skillet thoroughly with warm water and some mild dish soap. Scrub with a sponge if needed.

3) Dry thoroughly with a dish towel.

4) Cover the pan with a coating of vegetable oil to the entire skillet, including the bottom and the handle.

5) Place the pan upside down in the oven on the top rack. Place a sheet of aluminum foil on the bottom rack to catch any oil drips. Heat the cast iron for one hour at 350 degrees.

6) Let the pan cool before using. Now you're ready!

And speaking of ready, if you ever call my limo service and want me to pick you up at 7pm, please be ready to leave at that time. Any waiting times over 10 minutes get a surcharge. My drivers and my time is valuable, too. It's only fair! Be safe kids.

Thursday, September 28, 2017

AirPods Was Stressed.


AirPods was stressed.




So was Traffic Barrel.


Ambulance smirked through his dizziness.


Towel Rack Brackets were all befuddled.


Elevator Button said, "Ooooo girl, WHO DID YOUR HAIR"
(thanks, Emily Kane!)


Potbelly Stove said the same thing.


Minion Balloon hung out with his three friends.


Office Smoke Detector swallowed a power pellet and chased some ghosts.


Old Fence Posts marched against blacks, hispanics, Catholics and mixed marriage.


Two Trashcans and A Sidewalk winked at me.


Light Switch and Doorstop acted all crazy.


And Traffic Partition asked Senator Ruth Martin, "Tell me, Senator: did you nurse Catherine yourself? Toughened your nipples, didn't it? Amputate a man's leg and he can still feel it tickling. Tell me, mum, when your little girl is on the slab, where will it tickle you?"

Friday, October 11, 2013

An Imagined Conversation


"Okay, Gary. Lean forward a little bit and let Hannah rest her head on your shoulder... yes, like that. There."

"I got a question, Quentin."

"Yes, Gary?"

"What will this be used for?"

"Try not to move, Gary. Um, this photo will be a used as stock photography. Hannah dear, try turning your head to the left more. Your left..."

"Stock photography? I thought this was for something specific."

"Nope. The contract says 'general use,' which means these shots we're taking will be offered for whatever a paying client would like to use them for."

"What about a model release? Don't they need my permission to use the photos?"

"That was part of your contract with me. You and Hannah have already signed over model rights for these shots. That was what you signed before I cut the checks."

"Quentin? My neck is starting to hurt."

"Sorry, Hannah. Lean back a little more, but keep your eyes where they are."

"Wait. So that means they could use this photo of me and Hannah for anything, like an NRA ad or a brochure for herpes? Or God forbid, for target shooting practice for a hate group?"

"Um, hate groups don't usually use stock photography, I don't think."

"But you're saying we have no control over what these photos will be used for."

"Right. But you cashed your check already, right?"

"Yes, but..."


click!

Monday, November 19, 2012

This Blog Is Presented With Limited Commercial Interruption by Jingos Crackers


Clerk: Boy, I love Jingos! They're like, totally American. Fuck other countries.

Man: I agree! USA all the way! We should bomb those other countries just for not being us!

Woman: Totes! I just want to fly my flag all day and shoot Mexicans! And Irish!

Clerk: LOL. And the French. And the British.

Man: And people from the island of Fiji.

Clerk: I've never even heard of that place, but fuck them, too.

Man and Woman: LOL. USA USA!

All three: USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!


Announcer: Jingos Crackers. Kill 'em all. Let God sort 'em out.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Work Solicitor Email Inbox Fail Time!

As some of you may know, this writer works in the advertising industry at an agency called Toucan Cleric's Fun. And every day, I receive countless spam emails from photographers, illustrators and Chris Brown from Get Reehl. Here are three of the most notable recent inbox entries:


"National Champaign for the National Guard." That is some atrocious spelling, even if you were going for the word 'champagne.' But maybe spellcheck thought Dave Nagel was talking about Champaign, Illinois. Whatever.



Huh huh huh huh huh huh huh. Wick Beavers. Huh huh huh huh huh.


"Hey, David?"
"Yeah?"
"About this expense report. You bought some photography?"
"That's right. I purchased couple of photos for an ad. Is there a problem?"
"Yeah...it says you bought some images from 'Minorpix' with your credit card."
"Right, so?"
"Special Agent O'Grady here would like to ask you a few questions about that."

Friday, October 31, 2008

How Not To Design a Logo

DON'T make your logo mark in the shape of a vaj.


And if you must design your logo to be shaped like a vaj, DON'T chose the wrong color. Worse yet, DON'T highlight the letters of your name to spell out the name of that color inside the canoe shape. Freda.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

SHIT! FALSE ALARM!


Mere days after we first made contact with Jerald, we received an email this morning that got our hearts aflutter:


But closer inspection revealed it wasn't an email from Jerald Johnson, world traveler. It was from GERALD JANSSEN, advertising photographer. FUCK!


You can peruse Gerald Janssen's portfolio here, but this is cool, too.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Let's Cinch Open the EADJ Mail Sack!


(pictured, a photo accompanying an email from Lauren Fontinel who writes "Is this David Estoye???")

Friday, March 16, 2007

Your dick still smells of Joel.


Joel is preparing for a walk-on guest appearance on the hit Fox series "House." Although he won't have any speaking parts, he will be sharing screen time with Hugh Laurie. It's that brief exposure to a great British actor that Joel hopes to parlay into eating the dicks of his favorite British comedians– Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant, Eddie Izzard, Dudley Moore, Peter Cook and David Walliams.

When reminded that Dudley Moore has been dead since 2002, Joel vomited a little in his mouth and then swallowed.

(pictured above, file under "Unfortunate stock photo choices")