You Can Tell A Lot About Pillow Protector's Customers By The Packaging

Audience 1: Old farts who love reading a lot more than they do playing hide the sausage (or walking the dog for that matter).

Audience 2: Unapproachable Asian woman reading Ayn Rand in a double bed. Her husband has left her, and she doesn't care. She is so misunderstood, just like Howard Roark in THE FOUNTAINHEAD!

Audience 3: Wait. Two questions: 1) Claritin makes pillow protectors? 2) Is that Kristine Johnson from Channel 2 News at 5?

Audience 4: Confident blonde sluts who don't have bugs in their coochie, thanks to sprinkling a little baking soda down there.

A True Story

Barry, a guy I've known since Portfolio School in Atlanta, who also happens to live two blocks down from me AND is a co-worker one floor from me (Jeez, back OFF man) was recently given the green light by his allergist that he could eat mollusks. So last weekend he enjoyed some, but within a couple of hours, he was already feeling queasy.


Barry turned to the Internet and Googled the phrase "i get sick every time I eat mollusks," and sure enough, the twentieth entry was EAT A DICK JOEL!


Eat A Dick Joel has decided to award Barry the Jade Mollusk Award for coming across EADJ totally randomly by using a phrase with "mollusk" in it. Barry's new award is at the bottom of this page. Congrats, Barry! Put this on your resume!