A Teeth Entry

Fucking terrifying.

The ProofrEADJer, June (Mostly Food) Edition

Sammies!

So this bodega on 44th Street sells these sandwiches with some interesting names.

At first, I thought they were named after award shows:



But then I realized they're just people's names. Cool.



And in case you were wondering...


YES.

An Update From Jersey

In a previous entry, we reported one of our neighbors in Jersey who had a bizarre way of decorating their lawn:


Whether for "aesthetic" reasons or because they were just too lazy to mow their own lawn, we're not certain.


But we did notice very recently that the neighbor did put in some extra effort to "enhance" their lawn rocks:



Yeah. Much better.

UAG

Dear Santa:

Why do they put ice in the urinals at "classy" bars and restaurants? I mean, it's totally fun and all to urinate on ice and see it melt. I once read a news story about a guy who was trapped in a car by an avalanche and saved himself by urinating his way out after drinking bottles of beer. So it's fun and can save your life, but I digress. Why do places that have cloth napkins take the trouble to dump ice cubes in the pisser? Why is that considered high class or special?

And why am I asking you, Santa? Don't you have more pressing things to do than reading my letter, like ordering your elves around or not existing?

Have a good one,
EADJ

Retail Hell: Sidewalk Sale

Good news! Now your child can simulate going outside while still being chained to your radiator!

The SFVOSP: A Philosophical Conundrum

Sometime last week, Balls spotted the Shorter Fatter Version of Scott Peterson. She was not completely surprised by seeing him, since she had spotted the enigmatic Mr. Wood before, but what really struck her this time was how much weight the SFVOSP had seemed to have gained.

So much weight, in fact, that she didn't think it even resembled Scott Peterson anymore.

This begs the question: How short and fat is TOO short or too fat and still resemble Scott Peterson? At what point is a doppelganger taken so far as to break any connection to its double? We asked the descendents of some of history's greatest philosophers what they thought of the conundrum:

"I don't understand the question."
Craig Descartes,
Assistant Manager at Chili's Express

"No one can ever be too fat to resemble someone else. No wait, yes they can, right?"
Katie Aristotle
Work-at-home mother

"This conundrum is probably the fault of Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama."
Brit Hume
Fox News Anchor

"I like turtles."
Andrew Descartes Gall, referencing something only a few people get.

(pictured above, the gloriously expensive new peepee and poopoo rooms at Cramer-Krasselt, which will necessitate another cheapie Christmas party at Hard Rock Hotel this year)