EADJ Fashion Round-Up, Crosswalk Catwalk Edition

Gabby stayed up late at night and captured and skinned the Monsters Inc. monster that came out of her closet. The results are a breezy and fabulous hooded coat.

Selma shows off a bold wide brimmed hat and a baggy sleeved ensemble with a messenger bag, although I'm not 100% certain that's not a mannequin that a CVS employee is setting up.

The problem with NPCs in video games is that they're dressed so basic and matchy that it's easy to tell they're not real.

Three stripes, three stripes, MANY stripes. Adidas explosion!

Deandra shows off her armchair upholstering top and skirt made of crinoline or taffeta or whatever...

TULLE! It's called tulle!

An Open Letter To Andrea Bocelli

Hey Man,

Thanks for the newspaper. I had no idea you and me both shared an interest in New Jersey local news and politics. I just assumed since you were a world-renowned opera tenor and the biggest-selling solo artist in the history of classical music, that you wouldn't care about The League of Municipalities convention where they'll debate over a property tax cap or Rutgers coach Greg Schiano's struggles after getting the Scarlet Knights tied for last place in the Big East. Who knew?

I mean, when you sang the part of Canio in Ruggero Leoncavallo's Pagliacci back in 2007, I had no idea you would one day be gladdened like I was at Governor Chris Christie patching up his sometimes rocky relationship with the New Jersey Chamber of Commerce ever since they strongly supported his then-opponent incumbent Jon Corzine!

Thanks again for for the paper, Andre. It has a lot of old articles about Artie Lang selling his Hoboken home and all, but the Sudoku is pretty fresh.

EADJ Surprising Hostility: Watercolor Painting

As painting techniques go, watercolor is the no-gear version that thinks it's hot shit. It prides itself not only on its infuriating difficulty but brags on and on about how delicate and spare its textures are. It even requires a special kind of paper to paint upon. Well, fuck that. Fuck watercolor up its difficult, delicate ass. You hear me?

Here's how it works: you dip your brush in water, then you dip it in some watercolor paint that's been diluted a little bit by more water, then you have to move the brush just the right way to create a form, because otherwise there are no do-overs and...SHIT! You messed it up! Try again! Grab another sheet of WATERCOLOR paper (only $14.99 for a pad of 12).


Oh, yeah. Forgot to mention: you have to let some of that paint dry before you begin another stroke, because when working in watercolor, sometimes a wet spot will be contaminated by an adjacent color, then you wind up with an unerasable mix of the two colors, and then you have to grab another sheet of WATERCOLOR paper (only $14.99 for a pad of 12).

When you've finally finished with one after wasting fourteen pads of watercolor paper, you can stand back and look at the colored stain that you've left. Because when it comes down to it, most watercolor paintings are little more than smears that happened to be kind of shaped like something, like a bridge or a fucking basket of strawberries. Hotels in beach towns seem to eat that shit up for some reason. Old people.


Parents seem to think that kids love all kinds of art projects, so they'll often buy them a watercolor set. Then their kid will dip their brush in some water, then dip it in the red circle, then back in the water to make it wetter, then back in the red circle, but some of that water got into the blue circle, so now it's a purple circle, and it's seeping into the red circle, and it got on the brush, so now you're painting a big purple blotch when all you wanted was red...FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! MOTHERFUCKING COCK! Time to grab another sheet of WATERCOLOR paper (only $14.99 for a pad of 12).


And I realize, yes, there are some truly talented artists out there who have mastered watercolor and have possibly made quite a living from selling their beautiful paintings which actually look like things. Well, bully for them, because I sure as shit am not "painting with water" ever again. If you want a semi-abstract picture of some goddamned cardinals, just take a blurry photo yourself. You're the lazy one, see?

Project Fountain Enters Its Third Day

EADJ's Project Fountain has been a rousing success so far. Its majesty and brilliance has even been compared to Darren Aronofsky's 2006 film "The Fountain." Today we decided to up the ante by throwing in more than one new friend into the Old Bridge Deli's upstairs eating area's display.









I'm starting to think I should float a boat in that water now.

A Recycular Argument

So, let's say you're this big bottled water company selling "high end" water that's better than other water because yours comes from Fiji, and your sales have plummeted recently because people are realizing that paying extra for your brand is doubly bad for the environment because of how much plastic you use to make bottles and how much fuel it takes to ship your special water all the way from a tropical island, but then some marketing guy says you should ride this "going green" wave and somehow perversely exploit this trend to further promote your earth-killing water by running lots of billboards and setting up a website that boasts that you've measured your own carbon footprint and displays your goal of using 20% less packaging by 2010 and exploring WIND to help power your goddamn bottling plants. Good job, asshole.

You Do Know What That Means, Right?

(pictured above, O Water wins for Worst Possible Bottled Water Slogan. Click the second picture to enlarge)

Manut Bol, Eat a Dick Jol

Joel was tearfully given a momento from the family of his former mentor Tianna: the angora rabbit's water bottle. Filled with the $200-a-bottle Bling gourmet bottled water, it was the last possession not auctioned off by Christie's this morning. Joel reportedly stayed dry-eyed until he saw that the nozzle was sort of phallic. He then slobbered and cried until he shat his cargo shorts. Tianna's former handlers were asked to clean him up.

Visionary German filmmaker Werner Herzog has shown interest in directing "DICK APPETIT: The Joel Thomas Story," a hot script which has made the rounds in recent weeks. Variety reports that Herzog would prefer to cast an unknown in the title role, saying that since Joel is pretty unknown already, he might as well jump in front of the camera. Whatever.

(pictured above, Peter K displays the new nickname Three 6 Mafia gave to him.