Kermit the Frog Was Happy

Kermit the Frog was happy.

Cushions was confused.

Chairs On A Porch glared.

Gym Windows was suspicious.

Sandals groaned.

Here Are Your Job Numbers For The Week of February 18

Hello hi this Carl from food truck CEO ask me to send email about you have to fill out time sheet for job to get money and need job number please do this today or no money for pay at end of day CEO say thank you I say thank you and no flat bread for gyros today sorry

Here job number

14004: Pretending to give a shit

95562: Explaining the difference between Charmander, Charmeleon and Charizard

36924: Putting that guy on Facebook IN HIS PLACE!

JB8723: Getting on up (get on up)

JB8724: Staying on the scene (like a sex machine)

JB8725: Taking 'em to the bridge

JB8726: Hitting me now

JB8727: Shaking your money maker

JB8728: Hitting it and quit

EADJ Presents: Favorite Dishes To Accompany Backhanded Compliments

This blog is all about culture. We track furniture trends, the newest dating apps and sometimes what gourmet dishes are best served with withering backhanded compliments. Here now are the latest and greatest delicious entrees along with the passive aggressively unkind things one could hear while enjoying:

Lemon Dill Chicken with Brown Rice / "I love how you don't obsess about how you look."

Pineapple Jalapeno Cod with Broccoli / "You're pretty cool for a Jew!"

Salmon Teriyaki over Brown Rice / "You're the only one out of all of us who never got married. How'd you do it?"

Lemon Dill Shrimp with Asparagus & Rice / "That wasn't the worst sex I've ever had."

Chicken Vindaloo with Jasmine Rice / "Good game. I tore a ligament last week, but you won fair and square."

Meatball Arrabiatta Angel Hair Spaghetti / "Good job winning the account. I can't believe you pulled it off."

General Tso's Chicken over Brown Rice / "It never would have worked out between you two– he's a model and rich and all that, and you're you."

Cod over Pesto Cous Cous with Asparagus / "Sure, I'd fuck you if I were drunk."

Unfortunate Logo

A logo for Activia Yogurt that resembles a pelvis with a dong. So it's sort of appropriate that Jamie Lee Curtis is the spokesperson.

Thanks, Telecharge.

So on top of an $8.00 service charge, Ticketma... I mean, Telecharge slaps a $5.00 "Fee Fee" on it.

I hope you catch fire in a gasoline rainstorm, you miserable Fifi fuckers.

When I say Joel you say Eat Dick. Joel! Eat Dick! Joel! Eat Dick!

Joel toured the state, speaking to high school kids about the dangers of drinking and driving while eating dick. To each school assembly, he brought his now-famous dashboard-and-dudes-lap demo prop. He showed how difficult it was to drive and eat dick, especially while drunk and playing "Beautiful" by James Blunt on the car radio. Some kids fainted. A couple of "cool kids" laughed.

(pictured above, fur coat and pajama bottoms)