A Pathmark Inversion

Editor's Note: We know we did a Pathmark yesterday, but wanted to call attention to this.

Spotted at Old Navy, actually–not Pathmark. Whilst in line, I saw this charming switcheroo:

A candy amongst the hair clips.

Then a hair clip amongt the candies.

SUCH SYMMETRY!

A Shopping Cart Gripe

I have a serious peeve with people doing this with their shopping carts–  fucking dragging it behind you like a corpse on wheels instead of pushing it.

I don't know why they do it. It makes it LESS maneuverable in a store. You're constantly in danger of having a wheel hit you on the ankle. And it takes twice as much room. 

Probably people do this so they can have one hand free to text their dumb friends. IM SHOPING FOR TOLET PAPR

Lazy. Lazy. Lazy. Push your carts, dimwits. 

♫ The World Is a Pathmark ♫

The ProofrEADJer: End of May Edition

"The Weak Can Never Forgive. Forgiveness is the Attribute of the Pathmark." -Gandhi

Smecial Dreams Entry (Because You've Been Good And Deserve It)

From me:




From Andrew:




From Barb:



From Tom:

The Holidays Are Approaching, So Pewter Bear Has Some Tips On How To Shop Safely And Wisely For the Upcoming Black Friday

Let's just cut you off right there, Pewter Bear. Nobody who reads this blog gives a shit about Black Friday. And they certainly don't want to hear tips on how to survive it from you. You see, nobody who writes for this blog or reads this blog cares two shits about you, Pewter Bear. You're an amazingly unwelcome intrusion on this website, and most everyone who comes into contact with you wants to murder your fat pewter ass on the spot.

You pudgy, worthless cretin of a whiff of a pewter fart. Go away forever and die in a burning dumpster full of biomedical waste and raw sewage. Shove a snow shovel up your ass and jump into a vat of Ajax. Tie a heavy rock and glass shards around your waste and roll down the "Exorcist steps" in Georgetown, Washington D.C. Have a picnic near the intake of a DC-10 engine.

Introducing: The EADJ Pun Police

The name is Dover. Detective Benjamin Dover. I'm a beat cop for the EADJ Pun Police with my partner, Sgt. McCracken. We walk the beat in this sleepy town with a keen eye for terrible puns, and let me tell you brother, there's a lot of that garbage polluting the streets. It's our job to shake down the wrongdoers, the miscreants, the out-and-out punsters who pervert our beautiful language into a toothless, two-bit whore with two meanings.

Tonight's Pun Police Blotter:

Phil and I were driving our squad car along Evergreen when we spotted this bank ad in New York's AM newspaper. Now, normally we look the other way with New York's tabloid rags, seeing how The Post and The Daily News have made a living off of consistently good puns. But this one we couldn't exactly let slide:


"Best interest?" Get it? Now, WaMu denied that the word "interest" had two meanings. So we let it off with a stern verbal warning. But not soon after– and right when Phil and I were about to stop by Casey's for a slice of pie– dispatch sent us to the local movie theatre. It was there that we found this poster:


"Made of Honor?!" The title was not only a pun, but one that didn't even make sense. And right when we were starting to write out a ticket for "nonsensical title," I spotted this beauty at the bottom:


Gotcha. That raised the charges to "nonsensical title" and "groaner tagline with intent to distribute." We hauled Columbia Pictures in to sleep it off in the drunk tank. Let them think about what they've done.

So Phil and I had congratulated each other for another successful night of keeping the streets pun-free, until Phil opened a copy of City Tails, a free magazine devoted to "celebrating the relationship between pets and their people."


Everyone knows pet owners are a sketchy lot to begin with. They dote over their animals with a passion that's proportional to their frequency of dog or cat puns. But what we found in that magazine would make you question Man's use of language and even the use of the printed page. WARNING: This is not for the weak of heart:



I couldn't tell you who that ad was for. I couldn't even tell you what cop show that Richard Belzer character used to be on. All I know is that Phil and I called for backup, stormed the offices of Pet Tails, and tasered the hell out of everyone there. Sure, four of their staffers died in the scuffle, but I like to think that I saved far more lives preventing the publication from continuing to spread that read menace. Oh, that was a pun. Dang!