Today We Asked A Man With His Head Squeezed Between A Woman's Thighs To Explain Why 4/20=Marijuana

"Ugh... That's actually a pretty good questio... gah. *Kaff* Apparently according to... ouch... urban legend, a group of Californian teenagers... ACK! ...teenagers regularly smoked marijuana every... *cough* day at 4:20 pm. (gulp)  The ritual... *gasp* ... spread, and soon 420 became code for smoking marijuana. Waitwaitwaitwaitwait. E...eventually 420 was even converted into... ouch... 4/20 for calendar purposes, and the day of celebration was born!"

*skull is crushed and his eyes pop out of their sockets*

Spotted On a "Learn Sign Language" Box Label

Now I'm not an animal behavior expert, but I'm pretty sure -based on that cat's body language- that it's either going to dart out of there or scratch that girl's eyes out in self defense.

The ProofrEADJer: Squeaky Clean Anus Edition

Introducing EADJ Premium!

After 8 years of blogging, Eat A Dick Joel is proud to announce EADJ Premium, a pay-for-content subscription service that gives you more of what you don't want at prices beyond your means!

Upgrade to EADJ Premium now, and for only $24.99 a month, you'll receive exclusive digital-only content like Racist Appliances That Weren't Really That Racist and Tianna: Where Is She Now? And upgrade even more to our EADJ Platinum Premium for an exclusive video tour of every single toilet we shat in for our "Which Can, Erickson?" segments.

Only EADJ Premium gives you exclusive, on demand, close captioned content that streams directly to your smart device from the cloud. Did that sentence make any sense? Fuck you.

So start your subscription to EADJ Premium today, and we'll throw in a permanent contributor status to our sister blog, High Maintenance Imaginary Girlfriend, which was last updated July 2009!

Fall Fashion Round-Up

Everybody's in purple. Did Prince die today or something?

Bethany and Craig take a quick stroll around Manhattan to watch the fall leaves before being brutally beaten for $10 in a parking deck.

No wait. Those are actually perfect outfits for shopping at Target.

I happened across this gentleman on the NYC subway. He had a pencil thin mustache and wore a baseball cap like a "rally cap," even though there was no sporting event that day:

6 Lies Told By The Shenandoah Caverns Family Of Attractions Brochure

1) The CIA has a second cavern with elevator service in Langley for "interrogation purposes," but the 

                                                                .

2) "Cardross Castle" isn't so much a castle as it is a stinking heap of fossilized bat guano.

3) The Bacon Formations, although they really are made with bacon, unfortunately taste like Canadian ham when you lick the cave walls.

4) If you let your child enjoy our featured INDOOR BEEHIVE, your name is entered in the Child Protection Service database, coincidentally located in Langley, Virginia. INDOOR BEEHIVE, people.

5) The animatronic brown bears don't really "greet" guests, unless your definition of "greeting" is "mauling the elderly with their heavy, unstoppable metal claws."

6) Cinderella's Carriage is actually Snow White's; she lent it to her but never got it back after Cinderella moved to Fairfax to be closer to her mother.

EADJ is proud to announce that 6 Lies Told, in conjunction with Mattel, Inc., will be released as limited edition collector's Matchbox cars. Feel the fury of all six different lies as they race across your dining room table and into your kids' hearts! Some assembly required.

The ProofrEADJer: May Edition

Many Questions

1) What's a vaginal mesh?
2) What's a mesh sling device?
3) Why would I need a mesh sling device?
4) Why would a mesh sling device cause me to suffer?
5) Are those a dude's hands?
6) Why is that dude gripping his belly?
7) Does a vaginal mesh sling device extend all the way to a male's belly?
8) If one's mesh sling device did cause suffering, wouldn't most people be too embarrassed to sue?
9) On top of the embarrassment, how embarrassing would it be to try to qualify for compensation and get denied?
10) Wouldn't going through life without a mesh sling device be better than having one fail on you and then get denied compensation from some shady-ass online company?
11)

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Bale Hay

Hay is a staple food for livestock during the winter months. Learning how to bale hay requires patience. With today's big hay balers, it's a much easier task. However, the farmer is still dependent on the weather and growing conditions to bale hay that has a high nutritional value for his animals. First, check the condition of the grass. If the grass is at its peak, mow the hay. Let it cure. How long this takes depends on how heavy the grass is and what the weather conditions are. Next, you rake the hay. Depending on the hay rake used, you may have a windrow that is one row of grass. Or it may be two rows of grass folded together.

The next step is to prepare the baler. Grease all the machinery according to the manufacturer's directions. Check all the belts for proper tightness. Load the net wrap or baler twine. Prepare the hay in the windrow. It should have a crisp feel and there should be no wet clumps of hay. Proceed down the windrow with the hay baler attached to the back of the tractor. Straddle the windrow to feed the hay into the intake chamber. You may need to weave back and forth to get the hay to feed into the baler in an even manner.

Watch the indicator lights and the baler. When the bale chamber is full, either tie the bale or wrap it in net wrap. Back the baler up slightly from the windrow, open the baler and drop the bale of hay on the ground. Bale the rest of the field. If the hay clogs in the baler, use the safety chocks. Open the baler and untangle the hay. Remove the safety chocks, and continue baling the hay.

And speaking of hay, if you ever hire my town car service to pick you up from a county fair or any birthday party with ponies, do me a solid and stomp on the ground before getting in the car. That would really make my job a lot more pleasant. Thanks.

A Better Look

On Monday, we posted an entry that featured a bit of creative graffiti using a strip of black tape on a crossing light on 9th Street and 2nd Ave in Brooklyn (probably the work of someone from the nearby hipster hotspot The Bell House).

We shot another photo of the crossing light at night to get the full effect (Editor's Note: Sammy Hagar was added digitally after the photo was taken).


After showing this to the wife, J'Net said, "Well, at least they didn't make a middle finger." How true, J'Net. How true.

Dick Happens.

Jamba Juice announced a new dick smoothie for people like Joel. Well, just for Joel. The press packet (***FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE***) announced "Jamba Juice's all new Dick Mixes contain all the delicious dick Joel wants without the fat or carbs!" It also read that when you're on the go, and you can't stop for dick, grab a new Dick 2 Go Mixer and take that cock in a cab.

Although they seem pretty damned psyched about all this, keep in mind they were also very excited about selling those meat pocket microwaved thingies. Those things fucking BLOW. Not to get on too much of a Jim Gaffigan rant here or nuthin.

(pictured above, Kate Wilentz writes on a banana for a pitch. Out of frame, Brad Harvey deals with his confused arousal.)