The ProofrEADJer: May Edition

A Local Nuisance.

There's this bus stop on the corner of 40th and 3rd Avenue that for some reason has a bench facing the wrong way. So people who have to wait for the eastbound bus have to sit like assholes facing away from the street.


Having to ride the bus is pretty demoralizing to begin with, but to be forced to sit the wrong way like a total asshole seems cruel and unusual.


Of course, free will is involved here– you can choose to be sensible and stand so that you can see the bus coming. Or you can sit on a poorly-planned bus bench like some kind of asshole. Your choice.

Dick Happens.

Jamba Juice announced a new dick smoothie for people like Joel. Well, just for Joel. The press packet (***FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE***) announced "Jamba Juice's all new Dick Mixes contain all the delicious dick Joel wants without the fat or carbs!" It also read that when you're on the go, and you can't stop for dick, grab a new Dick 2 Go Mixer and take that cock in a cab.

Although they seem pretty damned psyched about all this, keep in mind they were also very excited about selling those meat pocket microwaved thingies. Those things fucking BLOW. Not to get on too much of a Jim Gaffigan rant here or nuthin.

(pictured above, Kate Wilentz writes on a banana for a pitch. Out of frame, Brad Harvey deals with his confused arousal.)