Pictured: a canine Sno-cone
Showing posts with label filofax. Show all posts
Showing posts with label filofax. Show all posts
Friday, October 1, 2021
Tuesday, July 23, 2019
Monday, April 21, 2014
6 Lies Told By The "Street Sense" Brochure, Handed Out By My Local Police
Some cops (at least I think they were cops) handed these poorly-photocopied brochures out at my local train station in New Jersey. This shit is riddled with lies.
1) If it's common sense, how come you have to print and hand out brochures about it?
2) Walking across a supermarket parking lot with your feet in shopping bags is NOT common sense.
3) "Trust your instincts." Jesus Lord. There are so many stupid, misguided, immature, delusional, and bat-shit crazy people out there already trusting their instincts, that it renders this advice useless.
4) "Don't pick up hitchhikers. Don't hitchhike. Period." Exception: if it's a really, really sexy hitchhiker wearing Daisy Dukes shorts with nobody hiding behind the bush directly behind her, it's totally okay.
5) "If someone harasses you, don't be embarrassed. Loudly say 'Leave me alone!' If that doesn't work, hit the emergency device." LIES. There is no emergency device on a bus. That is a cord telling the driver to drop you off so you can get mugged off her bus.
6) Why is the National Crime Prevention Council illegally copying clearly COPYWRITTEN MATERIAL? Are they above the law? Also, a photocopy is not always printed on recycled paper. Lies lies lies.
EADJ is proud to announce the Six Lies Told LEGO set, available exclusively at Discovery Center and this website. This enjoyable LEGO playset features 5 custom lying mini-figures, an underwater vehicle, a shark, and over 500 individual pieces of false information. Start lying today!
Friday, November 2, 2012
Incoming Fax
ÿØÿà JFIF ÿþ;CREATOR: gd-jpeg v1.0 (using IJG JPEG v62), quality = 80 ÿÛC % # , #&')*) -0-(0%()(ÿÛC ( ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((ÿÀ ï , " ÿÄ ÿĵ } !1A Qa "q 2‘¡ #B±Á RÑð$3br‚ %&'()*456789:CDEFGHIJSTUVWXYZcdefghijstuvwxyzƒ„…†‡ˆ‰Š’“”•–—˜™š¢£¤¥¦§¨©ª²³´µ¶·¸¹ºÂÃÄÅÆÇÈÉÊÒÓÔÕÖ×ØÙÚáâãäåæçèéêñòóôõö÷øùúÿÄ ÿĵ w !1 AQ aq "2 B‘¡±Á #3Rð brÑ $4á%ñ &'()*56789:CDEFGHIJSTUVWXYZcdefghijstuvwxyz‚ƒ„…†‡ˆ‰Š’“”•–—˜™š¢£¤¥¦§¨©ª²³´µ¶·¸¹ºÂÃÄÅÆÇÈÉÊÒÓÔÕÖ×ØÙÚâãäåæçèéêòóôõö÷øùúÿÚ ?è ãŒÓ–Jƒ
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Jessica's Crack: An In-Depth Peek
(the following is an exclusive interview with Jessica's crack by EADJ field reporter Sue McCloskey)
SM: Thank you for coming.
JC: It's good to be here.
SM: So, let's get started. You've led a very public life, being the crack of an ass and all.
JC: Yes, that's true. But I believe it's a harsh misconception, and I've been trying to fight it all my life. I'm a very private person, actually.
SM: And Jessica seems so out there.
JC: She does, bless her heart. But try to separate the girl from the crack of her ass for a second?
SM: Okay.
JC: I myself don't crave the public eye. But the very fact that I am so large makes it hard to hide.
SM: You say you're large? How is that?
JC: (puffing a cigarette) I am unusually long for the crack of an ass. Where most people's ass cracks end three to four inches north of their butthole, mine stretches far beyond, almost to Jessica's waist.
SM: I see.
JC: (blowing out a long plume of smoke) Add to that the burden of Jessica wearing low-rider, hip-hugging jeans all the time, and you've got yourself a recipe for disaster.
SM: I hate that expression.
JC: Sorry.
SM: S'okay. So you've grown up in the public eye, and now you're pretty much a celebrity, whether you wanted to be or not. What's next for Jessica's crack?
JC: Well, I really love strutting my stuff, so I've signed on to appear in next season's "Dancing With the Stars," and I'm paired up with one of the members of Blackstreet.
SM: Omarion?
JC: No, you're thinking of B2K.
SM: Oh. And what else?
JC: (taking a sip from her chocolatini) I've signed a $500,000 deal with Penguin Books to write my memoirs. It's called "Tainted Memories– The Rise and Fall of Jessica's Butt Slit."
SM: Neat.
JC: I've also started a foundation in Boston for girls with long ass cleavage. It's called 2 Cheeks & Hope.
SM: That's so great of you. You seem so involved for an ass crack.
JC: I believe you can transcend expectations and be whatever you want to be. The fact that my main function is pushing out corn-ridden torpedoes and floating air biscuits doesn't hold me back from my dreams.
SM: I'm sure there are a lot of readers who can learn from your wise words, Jessica's crack.
JC: I hope so. (taking a bite of her black olive crostini) For the children's sake, I certainly hope so.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
