A Double Take

 I was glancing at my son's math homework...

...and thought I spotted the word SLUT.

Oh. 5/6. Carry on.

Some Burning Questions About The Rite Choice Realty Billboard in Union, NJ

1) What the shit?

2) Is that woman being interrogated? Why does she look uncomfortable?

3) Why is it half white/half white? Are they emulating the old Scarface poster?

4) Is this a mafia-run business? Is that the don's daughter?

5) It was kind of disrespectful to leave "OUTFRONT" under the woman, yes?

6) Was this media buy really the "rite" choice?

Here Are More Unused, Terrible Porn Names

Congrats on nailing your audition to porn stardom! But before you can take your pants off again, you're going to need a pornstar name. Something that no one has taken yet. Here are some awful ones that were lying around, so have at it, sport:

HER: 

Shen Yun

Fallopia

Excedrin Headache

Phoenix Busstop

WiFi Assward

Alicia To Own Lexus

Tess TD

Ava Cado

HIM: 

Moe Joe Rising

Stu Pendulous

Coccyx Masculinity

Pope Francis

Al Dente

Oswald Gobblecock

Pathmark Your Calendars

This one appears to have been a bad moms' party in the baby aisle:

UAG

So How Did "The Suburbans" Do?

The EADJ Crappinuum has always been the most accurate way to gauge how bad a movie is. The mere fact that it appears on this measure indicates that it falls somewhere between "terrible" and "fucking piss-awful."

"The Suburbans" is one of those movies that leans a little more towards just "terrible" because of the following reasons:

• pretty good production values

• a discernible plot

• not terrible performances (except for the director/writer/main actor/caterer)

Everything else is a solid strike against the movie, from being unfunny, unconvincing, poorly paced, to worst of all, wasting the comedic talents of some solid stars. Oh, and a major strike for not getting Jennifer Love Hewitt to flash her snoobs.

The EADJ Crappinema Presents: "The Suburbans"

 

I love Will Ferrell. And I love boobies. So, naturally, I jumped at the chance to watch all three on this little known gem from 1999: "The Suburbans." It's the story of Jennifer Love Hewitt as a record label manager who stages a comeback for the one-hit wonder 80's band, The Suburbans. Pretty promising premise for a comedy, right? Right.

The thing that goes wrong here- pretty much all the way through- is that this is not about the band at all, but about one member and the relationship with his wife. And that one band member is not Will Ferrell. And it's not very funny.

 

So much about this movie is about the one guy and his wife, and there are so many unfunny reaction shots of his face, that I'm going to float out a theory: that actor is the director. I base this assumption on four clues: 

 

 

 

 

Overall grade: F