"Pathmark is the Thing with Feathers that Perches in the Soul and Sings the Tune Without the Words and Never Stops At All."

The ProofrEADJer: Last Day Of November Edition

For the record, they also misspelled "Struthiomimus".

Fiverr Update

My Fiverr request from yesterday got a response and a first draft sketch!

Logo designer nuraroni from Indonesia delivered this:

A pretty damn good start!

☑ Badass

☐ Lemur

☑ Astronaut suit

☐ On fire

☑ Wielding nunchucks made of pepper grinders

Needs a few adjustments, but I think we're well on our way, Fiverr!

Kristine Johnson's Crotch Is Prime Real Estate

CBS 2 News apparently considers Kristine Johnson's netherparts suitable to project some branding as well as some handy info.

All I know is that it's 82º down there. Heyooooo!

Meanwhile, Maurice DuBois (it means "of wood") has leased advertising space on his ass to local restaurant Fernandez Steakhouse.

And in surprising unrelated news, correspondent Alice Gainer apparently has appeared in the Jeremy Renner movie "The Bourne Legacy." Hoonoo.

"Our?!"

(pictured above, the wrong possessive determiner at the Delmonico salad bar doesn't seem to gross anybody out)

Filipino Boy Will Survive

(pictured above, what happens when the goddamn salad place doesn't put a fork in your takeout bag and then when you get back to the office there's a goddamned meeting hogging the kitchen)

My Joel Overfloweth.

Some selections from Joel's suggestion box posted outside the apartment complex clubhouse:

Hey Joel, how about not eating dick so late in the night by the pool. Some people on the ground floor are trying to sleep!

Joel– i am a 42 year old mother of 2. Your activites are inappropriate for young children, so I am having them sent to their grandmother. Now I can party with you, hot body!

my name is Queromo. i from venezuelan. you eat my dick last saturday and now i hab silverfish in my home. you should bathe

HeyJoel: How about Yoohoo in the vending machines? I know the machines aren't refrigerated, but i don't think Yoo Hoo needs to be refrigerated, does it? Please? Or are you not even in charge of the drink machines? Fuck off!

SUGGESTON: ALL OF US NEED TO LEARN TO USE SPELLCHECK

Hello. My name is Andrew Gall. No suggestion here. Porkchop sandwiches! Look at all your different colored hats!

(pictured above, Tom Weingard goes window shopping)

Let's keep this Nikki Train going!

Joel's latest misadventure was a violent altercation involving a salad bar, two squirrels and screenwriter Aaron Sorkin.

I won't bore you with the details, but suffice to say that no one will ever want garbanzo beans at that salad bar again, the surviving squirrel fit nicely into the dollhouse, and Aaron Sorkin is very, very angry about his ceiling now.

(pictured above, a legendary photo from May: Nikki hangs with two randoms in Fado, one of whom keeps a cartoon graveyard in his mouth)

*EADJ Police Blotter*

• At 8pm on Tuesday, a call was placed complaining of a trespasser behind the city dump. Officers investigated the scene to find Joel fighting with a bunch of seagulls over an abandoned dick. Joel was let off with a warning.

• A domestic dispute in Falun Gong Heights turned out to be just Joel eating dick really loudly and furiously. Joel was let off with a warning.

• Police responded to a 480 call in uptown when a pedestrian was struck by a hit-and-run driver. EMT's were on the scene to administer aid to the victim, and Joel was later in the ambulance furiously administering dick-eating. Joel was let off with a warning.

• Police were called on a 10-66 call at the flea market on the campgrounds. The suspicious person was not in fact a terrorist but Joel furiously eating dick through a ski mask. Joel was let off with a warning.

Stay tuned to EADJPD for the latest in Joel-related dick eating news.