Burning Questions

A banner ad for Endurance car insurance, featuring Ludacris and Danica Patrick:

1) What the hell?

2) Is this a Fast and the Furious movie tie-in?

3) "Ludacris: Artist and Musician". Doesn't his music count as his art? What, does he paint landscapes or weave tapestries too? (Cool, if so)

4) Was the accompanying music to the banner "Move Bitch"?

5) Did Luda not offer a seat to Danica? Is he not a gentleman?

6) Do Danica and Ludacris have a irreconcilable disagreement but begrudging respect for each other and that's why they're standing back-to-back like so many rom-com movie posters?

7) Who drives in that relationship?

8) If car repairs were covered, wouldn't you not be paying for them anyway?

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

Bank of America Presents: New Trending Scams To Avoid to Protect Your Account

The security of your account at BofA is the most important thing to us. We have proactively discovered all the new ways that scammers are trying to access your information in order to steal your hard-earned money so that they can buy the newest iPhone to take pornographic selfies to post onto Instagram and OnlyFans. Sluts. Here are the newest ways that scammers are trying to fool you into sharing your account info:

• They hire a professional impressionist to pose as your mother to call you and ask you why you haven't found a new job yet and by the way what's your PIN number

• They post memes on Facebook that say things like: "LIKE if your account number ends in 5574 LOL"

• Instead of "phishing", they actually go fishing and forget about scamming you for a change. It's a good afternoon.

• They start their own bank called Bonk of America, with everything exactly like Bank of America but with the letter "o": stationery, signage, brochures, name tags. Then when you walk in to make a deposit, they say all the things we would say, but with an "o", like "How ore you?" It's creepy and pointless, really, but you gotta admire their initiative.

• They access all six Infinity Stones and change your account and routing number to something that's easily guessed. Gee, you'd think they'd do something more epic with all that power, but nope!

• Some guy shows up at your door claiming to be your long lost cousin Yadduk. You hit it off with him and he starts living in your guest room. In time, he becomes like family and on your deathbed you bequeath to Yadduk your Bank of America account. SCAMMED!

• They try the up-front approach and ask you for $450,000.

That's Funny Cuz

Photo taken last year:



Funny cuz "life" ended up meaning "about 8 months." Stupid bank.

Let's Smoke the EADJ Mail Sack!

(submitted by Tom Weingard, via email)
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"I met a dude on the chairlift in aspen who’s from around where I’m from in philly and I gave him my email because he said his nephew was looking for ad agencies in nyc, who I have since helped. The dude went out there on a trip by himself which I thought was ballsy and I immediately thought ’gay’, but of course I don’t know. Then he sent me this recently after having a couple email passes...

Where do you work anyway. What do you do again?
Something in advertising right.

I am a Banker. I have a pretty good job. I cannot complain about money. I am overpaid really.

I travel an hour each day so that part is expensive with the gas.
I'm 42. I have a house. I bet you are under 30. Do you rent an apartment in NY? The funny thing is we had our ski stuff on the time I met you and all I remember is you were taller than me I think with dark hair. Not sure really.

I don't have lots of money or anything but I have the use of credit cards. I figure what am I saving my money for anyway.
Get out to Aspen again. What is it a money issue???

Well I will talk to you later.

*name*

Is this dude trying to hit on me?"

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What do YOU think, dear reader? Frankly, I can't think of anything straight that can come after "I met a dude on a chairlift."

Also, who the fuck writes down someone's email on a chairlift?

Let's keep this Nikki Train going!

Joel's latest misadventure was a violent altercation involving a salad bar, two squirrels and screenwriter Aaron Sorkin.

I won't bore you with the details, but suffice to say that no one will ever want garbanzo beans at that salad bar again, the surviving squirrel fit nicely into the dollhouse, and Aaron Sorkin is very, very angry about his ceiling now.

(pictured above, a legendary photo from May: Nikki hangs with two randoms in Fado, one of whom keeps a cartoon graveyard in his mouth)

ROBBERY!!!!

ACWORTH, Georgia (AP) -- Georgia authorities Wednesday were searching for three young females, possibly teenagers, who robbed a supermarket bank branch, laughing as they held up a teller with nothing but sunglasses to disguise their faces.

The three handed a Bank of America branch teller a note demanding cash, smiled as they waited and then walked (some say hopped) out with stolen money Tuesday, police said. One of them was cleaning their extremely fluffy paws.

It wasn't clear if they had a weapon, police said.

Their images, captured on bank surveillance video during the 12:15 p.m. robbery Tuesday, were released by police and already had led to several tips, Cobb County police spokesman officer Wayne Delk said.

Authorities have not said how much money was taken, but Delk said it is "considerable." Also, several baby carrots and a head of lettuce was taken from the produce section of the supermarket. The baby carrots were paid for.