Dog Park Missed Connections

The following Missed Connections were posted by dogs that visited the Bucks County Core Creek Dog Park in Langhorne, PA:

You: The Russian Toy with the limp

Me: The smooth talking Dachshund

Hey gorgeous. We're the same height. Wanna go get coffee sometime?

You: The distinguished Cane Corso

Me: The miniature Schnauzer in the REI harness

You seemed distracted and nervous. Are you a rescue? Me too!

You: The Shi Tzu in the fur coat

Me: The Beagle/Retriever mix with the hazel eyes

We had simulated sex over by the ramp. Wanna do it for real next time? I'm fixed!

You: The oh-so-elegant Greyhound/Pointer mix

Me: The wheezing Pug

I couldn't catch you because your legs are so long and I'm a furry paperweight. But I felt we had a connection!

Today's Inspirational Quotes, Courtesy of IG Bikini Models

It's a well known fact that Instagram models are wise and have lived a full life of rich experiences. Here are some of their inspirational quotes that can learn you a thing or two:

"You can't go back and change he beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending....."

- Elena Belle

"Whatever makes your soul happy do that... what makes you happy?"

- Elena Belle

"Once you learn how to create your own happiness, no one can take it from you."

- Luciana Del Mar

"Choose what makes your heart bloom."

- Luciana Del Mar

"Everything is possible if you just believe."

- Galina Dubenenko

UAG

Hell Oh Hell

If there's anything that people type online that makes them sound like a blithering idiot, it's "LOL." Now, we understand it's a nice, shorthand way to express that you "laughed out loud," but it's come into such overuse by morons on Facebook and YouTube over the smallest, dumbest things, that you're better off just typing "hahaha" or "hey, that was really funny."


So we did a little experiment. We took some sage quotes from some history's greatest thinkers and added "lol" at the end to see if they sounded any dumber:


"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever LOL."
-- Gandhi


"Nothing can bring you peace but yourself LOL."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson


"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us LOL."
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes


"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself LOL."
-- Leo Tolstoy


"The search for truth is more precious than its possession LOL."
-- Albert Einstein


Yep. They all sound like idiots now.

Two Flyers I Found in San Fran

1)
"$3000 for first prize?! Why, that's exactly how much we need to repair the engine so we can drive to the bachelorette party!"

2)


Now, I don't remember 2 Live Crew ever being associated with mustaches, but okay. SOLD.

A Quick Reminder From the Transportation Security Administration

Never, ever leave your cheese puffs unattended at an airport.

Not Maturing Any

Pictured above, proof that I should never be allowed in a Babies R Us.

Fresh Direct Wednesday: Lobster Ravioli w/Vodka Sauce & Basil, or How A Weeklong Bit Has Already Outstayed Its Welcome On the Third Day

Here on Hump Day of bad week, we decided to go back to Italian food with Fresh Direct's Lobster Ravioli w/ Vodka Sauce & Basil, courtesy of Presto Italiano.


In comparison to the previous two dishes, a simple ravioli sounds pretty straightforward. So that coupled with the fact that I enjoy eating in general got my hopes up about this one.






And instead of eating outside in the lunch plaza, I took the entrée for a little walk before sampling.


It took me more than four tries to open the package, however. I felt like Nate struggling with the most gangsta saran wrap ever. Yeah, I'm self-referential.


What I'm guessing were supposed to be basil leaves looked like melted green crayons. Or Hulk raisins. Or alligator scabs.



Okay, this one wasn't totally awful. It wasn't offensive or pungent or gag-inducing. But it was bland. Tom even sampled a bite of it and said "Ew. Mushy."


Despite its blandness, I ate the thing and chalked one up for experience. Then I bookmarked it as one to grow on and as a notch in my belt. Then I had explosive diarrhea 2 hours later. Just kidding. It was solid.


Overall rating: F

Hampton Jitney: A Visual Guide

Gee, guess where I shopped recently.

They are real. And they are spectacular.

Suddenly there's way too much lime green on this page.