If You Love Something, Set It Free. And If It Comes Back...

So this is fun. You might remember the EADJ Crappinema where I reviewed the Blockbuster Video exclusive movie "Ten Inch Hero" and snuck it back into a Blockbuster after watching.

Well, because of Obamacare and the socialist uprising (sarcasm), many Blockbuster locations are closing, including the one in Jersey where I dumped that DVD.


They're selling everything at Blockbuster from DVDs to the shelves to that one counter where the clerk would tell you your rented DVD would be waiting for you since they didn't trust you to carry it out the store yourself because you're probably a filthy thief but look who's laughing now since you're going out of business bitches LOL.




Most of the good movies were sold already, which pretty much left the dregs.


But what's this?!


Holy shit! It's "Ten Inch Hero!" And since there was no copy of it before I snuck it back in the store, I can only assume that this is the VERY SAME COPY I had before. And now I can buy it back for $1.99 for no reason! Yaaay!

Hell Oh Hell

If there's anything that people type online that makes them sound like a blithering idiot, it's "LOL." Now, we understand it's a nice, shorthand way to express that you "laughed out loud," but it's come into such overuse by morons on Facebook and YouTube over the smallest, dumbest things, that you're better off just typing "hahaha" or "hey, that was really funny."


So we did a little experiment. We took some sage quotes from some history's greatest thinkers and added "lol" at the end to see if they sounded any dumber:


"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever LOL."
-- Gandhi


"Nothing can bring you peace but yourself LOL."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson


"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us LOL."
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes


"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself LOL."
-- Leo Tolstoy


"The search for truth is more precious than its possession LOL."
-- Albert Einstein


Yep. They all sound like idiots now.

Let's Adjust The Wooden Wheels On the EADJ Mail Sack!

Submitted by Joel Himself:

"Is it me, or does that look suggestive?"



• Yes
•
• No other bullets needed
• Stop
• Seriously, stop
• Come on now
• Stop it
• Unnecessary
• Not funny anymore
• Please stop it
• Okay, These bullets are kind of funny
• LOL

To The Guy Leaning With His Full Back On the Pole in the Subway

Hey.

Wassup man.

Look, this subway car is kind of getting crowded, and I since neither of us could find a seat, it looks like we're both in the same boat (or same subway train, to be literal LOL!).

But seriously. This train makes some pretty sharp turns and unexpected, jerky stops, so maybe if you could get that pole from between your butt cheeks, I could grab onto something to steady myself. No, not your butt cheeks- I wanted to grab the pole. Don't flatter yourself. I'm like, married.

It's really irritating that you're so lazy that you have to slump against a subway pole like that. Plus, it really leaves a poor impression on the ladies that you don't carry yourself a certain way. Who knows; maybe you're gay? Well, it still applies to impressing the fellows.

And I guess you're not an avid reader of this blog, because an old July entry from 2007 sort of covered this topic already.


But in all seriousness, fucking move.

The EADJ Crappinema Presents: Somewhere Tomorrow

Some movies, just by being bad, are a waste of time. But it's pretty unforgivable when a movie intentionally wastes your time. Somewhere Tomorrow is guilty of setting up a storyline, leading you down it, then pulling a switcheroo on you, all to be able to say "Hey! GOTCHA Sport!" then popping its collar and doing the two-handed point click. Director Robert Wiemer masterfully weaves not one, but TWO plot twists into this film, leaving the viewer feeling cheated and gassy. I've never understood the allure of Sarah Jessica Parker to begin with, but after seeing this horribleness, I think I might stop watching anything Matthew Broderick is in now. Wassup now, bitch?




The following is verbatim dialogue for this scene:

Mother: She was real close to her father. Doug had to work long, hard hours, but he always managed to find time for Lori. He just loved her..,just loved her so much.




Doctor: Did this thing start happening, when? At the time of his death?








Mother: I don't know. Maybe it started then...

The Doctor watches her.





(sobs) Listen, I just want to be in there with her!







Doctor: Betty, we have to talk about this. I have a problem, and I don't know how to deal with this. I've got a little girl in there who took a spill off a horse and got a bump on the head. A mild concussion, nothing more. Yet she refuses to wake up.



Doctor: A perfectly healthy 16-year old girl. Who I think wants to die. You've got to help me reach her.

Father: Betty...

Mother: It's all so crazy, I just... I don't know where to start?















The following is verbatim dialogue for this scene:


Sarah Jessica Parker: Polly!


Dude in Blue Shirt: My God, it's a horse!




Sarah Jessica Parker: Polly? Polly! Polly? Polly? Polly is that you?

Dude in Blue Shirt emerges from the woods on the horse.





Sarah Jessica Parker: Polly!


Dude in Blue Shirt: How'd you know her name?





Sarah Jessica Parker: It's you! You're alright!


Dude in Blue Shirt: I guess so, who are you?



Sarah Jessica Parker: I saw your plane go down. I found you and your friend.

Dude in Blue Shirt: The plane, where is it?? Where's Paul, my friend?

Exeunt