UAG

A Quick Reminder From the Transportation Security Administration

Never, ever leave your cheese puffs unattended at an airport.

Meet Lucy, the World's Largest Elephant Who Hates You

Behold Lucy. Lucy is the World's Largest Concrete Elephant-Shaped Tourist Trap located in beautiful Margate, New Jersey. And Lucy hates you all.


Built in a shitty, unstable location? Check. Used as a hotel for drunk guido assholes? Check. Inexplicable historical status to turn it into a begrudging eyesore landmark? Check. Lucy hates you all.


*1 Who hates you

*2 A smaller town of assholes that's at least removed from a town full of way bigger assholes

*3 The U.S. Department of the Interior approved my landmark status as a joke. But who's laughing now, G-men? Fuckers.

*4 Sure, bring the little licebags and tell them it's Disneyland. I actually revel in their disappointment.


*5 But Lucy wishes a painful death upon you and all your family.

*6 From up here, you can see the roads that lead you out of this godforsaken shithole.

*7 We fenced it up because we figured parents who consider me actual entertainment aren't really good at parenting to begin with.

*8 A lot of older people have turned their ankles on my spiral staircase. One guy had a stroke. That made my day.

*9 Note number 8. That guy did die after two months.

*10 WTF. Friggin' teachers bring their students to me as if I'm some kind of anatomically correct model. Pretty useless schools in Margate, NJ anyway. They're all going to end up working at the casino in Atlantic City. Truth hurts.


*11 Believe it or not, several guys have proposed in my "howdah." The women all said "no," as they should. Good for you, gals for having taste.

*12 They sealed up the eyes in 1987 when people kept pissing out onto my trunk.

*13 I hear that pun from Jimmy, the tour guide about 400 times a day. I despise him, too.

*14 The "museum" is actually four framed photos of me in better days, plus a postcard rack. Hannah behind the counter is getting a divorce.


*15 The change in schedule depends on if it rained the night before. I leak and flood like a motherfucker, but at least it rinses out the vomit stains.


*16 Coupon not good at this location. Fuck you!

A Special EADJ Mail Sack Slash Link-O-Rama Slash Vince's Uncle Roberto Entry

Submitted by Chris Stoltz via email, a link and a suggestion:

Absolutely Hilarious JCPenney Catalogue from 1977 (You HAVE to read!)

"I think this calls for fashion tips by Vince's Uncle Roberto."




And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto With Fashion Tips From 1977



The fashion of leisure suits became popular in the 70's due to the rise of inexpensive materials and a culture that had come to hate formality. The leisure suit rose in popularity with its promise to bring a stylish suit that could be used in formal business, but was comfortable and trendy enough for everyday wear.

Back in 1977, I was only 17 at the time, just holding down a job stacking boxes at the local IGA. So I had no money for nice clothes like this. But now that I've made a little money driving cars, all this great stuff can't be bought anywhere except for on the eBay! Funny how things work out that way.