UAG

Come On Down and Say Goodbye To Some Stuff Marketers Want You To Say Goodbye To!

Is that Daredevil?

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! *Kiss*

Upcoming Feature Films Based On the Names of Cake Decorations Offered by Cold Stone Creamery

Hollywood is plum out of ideas, so it was only a matter of time till the major studios went to the nearest Cold Stone Creamery to find movie ideas within the cake decorating catalog there. Frankly, I'm surprised they didn't look there sooner. Here now are the latest greenlit projects announced by the big 5:

"Ahead of the Curve" starring Jake Johnson, Lili Reinhart, Samantha Mumba and Keke Palmer

An A+ student from the city (Palmer) is accepted into a prestigious but mostly white university where she has to overcome prejudice and racism to maintain an A average and hang out with her new bestie roommate (Reinhard). Starring Johnson and Mumba as her stern but understanding professors. Also starring Seth Rogan as the stoner dean.

"Crown & Scepter" starring Timothée Chalamet, Milly Alcock, and Liam Neeson.

This alternative history reimagines the Arthurian legends if everyone had cell phones and access to social media. King and Influencer Arthur (Chalamet) attempts to expand his follower base with silly TikTok dances and Excalibur prank videos. Featuring Neeson as Podcaster Merlin.  

"We're On Our Way!" Directed by Brad Bird. Featuring the voices of Keith David, David Keith, Mariska Hargitay and Jay Baruchel

Four migrating cranes get lost in an under construction water park and have to use their smarts and skills as a team to find their way out. Also starring Kelly Reilly as the exhausted but determined security officer.

"Enchanting Unicorn" starring Dave Franco, Ayo Edebiri, and Chloe Fineman. Directed by Taika Waititi.

A strange tanker carrying experimental psychedlic drugs crashes into a community craft fair, causing all the participants to slowly trip the fuck out as they make their crafts. Featuring a soundtrack by Goose, Turnstile and Umphrey's McGee

"Pink Baby Booties" starring McKenna Grace, Berkeley James and Olivia Cooke

A high school senior (Cooke) discovers she's pregnant, and it's up to her best friends (Grace and James) to cover up her bump until graduation. Using A.I., Instagram filters and hologram technology, they'll try to keep her pregnancy a secret! Also featuring Druski as the suspecting principal.

"Special Delivery Stork" starring McKenna Grace, Berkeley James and Olivia Cooke

In the sequel to "Pink Baby Booties", Olivia Cooke's high schooler gives birth at the graduation ceremony, and it's up to her best friends (Grace and James) to distract everyone from noticing. Featuring Druski as the very suspicious principal that no one believes.

This Week's Least Popular Hashtags on Xitter

Elon Musk's social media platform is now overrun by white supremacists, anti-democratic foreign troll farms and miserable far right shitposters. But there's also a dark side.

This platform is so overridden by negativity that certain hashtags have sharply fallen in usage. Here are some of them:

#diversity

#equity

#inclusion

#commonsense

#common_sense

#notbeingapieceofshitisagoodthing

#myfavoriteMayaAngelouquotes

#nosupportingourfuckingracistasspresident

#takingastepbackandthinkingaboutwhywomendontwanttofuckme

Dog Park Missed Connections

The following Missed Connections were posted by dogs that visited the Bucks County Core Creek Dog Park in Langhorne, PA:

You: The Russian Toy with the limp

Me: The smooth talking Dachshund

Hey gorgeous. We're the same height. Wanna go get coffee sometime?

You: The distinguished Cane Corso

Me: The miniature Schnauzer in the REI harness

You seemed distracted and nervous. Are you a rescue? Me too!

You: The Shi Tzu in the fur coat

Me: The Beagle/Retriever mix with the hazel eyes

We had simulated sex over by the ramp. Wanna do it for real next time? I'm fixed!

You: The oh-so-elegant Greyhound/Pointer mix

Me: The wheezing Pug

I couldn't catch you because your legs are so long and I'm a furry paperweight. But I felt we had a connection!

The ProofrEADJer: End of November Edition