Just when you thought Hollywood was fresh out of ideas for movie plots, Babies R Us comes around and releases this baby catalog, which to you looks like any other catalog, but to major studio executives is a vast, rich vein of terrible movie properties to put into development.
"Little Man"Adam Sandler returns to top comic form as he and Rob Schneider star as two bumbling janitors who accidentally shrink themselves to 3 feet tall in an experimental lab, and right on the day that Adam and his wife (Alicia Silverstone) were supposed to renew their vows! Also starring Peter Dinklage as Poppa Bear.
"Daddy & I Agree Mommy Is The Boss" From the creators of "Love Actually," "Valentines Day," and "Notting Hill" comes this film about an American mom (Naomi Watts) and a British dad (Ralph Fiennes) trying to fight for custody of their children from different sides of "the pond." Rated PG-13 for melodramatic as fucking shit.
"Daddy Rocks!" Jack Black plays a rockstar and does his Jack Black thing while trying to change diapers or open juice boxes or whatever the fuck. You write it.
"Mommy's Angel" Universal Studios is proud to announce the harrowing story of a dying child who grants their dying mother's last wish by fulfilling their dream to ride a rodeo bull without dying. Featuring the entire cast of TV's "Nashville," who you probably won't recognize anyway because who watches that show?
"Punk Rock Pup" is a 3D computer animated adventure from Pixar featuring the voices of Johnny Rotten, Iggy Pop, Glenn Danzig, Henry Rollins, Exene Cervenka, Milo Aukerman, Billie Joe Armstrong, and featuring Avril Lavigne as Poseur the Poodle. A punk band gets separated from their mascot/pet during a police shutdown of a local show, and the dog must visit all the local clubs to reconnect with his punk roots. This movie will be accompanied by a 17-CD punk rock box set.
Fuck, this actually sounds like a great idea.
"Cute Like Mommy" starring Helen Mirren, Demi Moore and Suri Cruise. This tragicomedy about love, loss, and exfoliating examines the female experience through the eyes of three generations of headstrong women. Also starring Jon Hamm as "Useless Male 2."
"Whoo's Cute?" Michael Cera and Elizabeth Olsen star as two dating puppeteers who fall out of love with each other and start acting out their differences through their puppets at children's parties. Danny McBride and rapper Chamillionaire make unpaid but credited cameo appearances.
"Future Fire Chief" Tom Cruise and Will Smith team up as Chicago firefighters in the year 3099. A strange new type of "plasma" fire has brought the city to its knees, and it's up to two famous Scientologists to use the power of expensive special effects and apple boxes to make things right again.
Either "Cate Cupcake" or "Cute Cupcake." Cate Blanchette stars in this Guy Ritchie-helmed crime adventure as a mild-mannered local baker who finds herself delivering sugary sweets to London's most diabolical crimelords. The two crimelords (Colin Firth and yes, Benedict Cumberbatch) fight for supremacy over Cate's cupcakes, and a LOT of people die.
