It's Time Again To Play Which Can, Erickson?

Match the location names to the toilets pictured above. To make it easier, we paired each toilet with a K-Pop band name, so if you know your K-Pop, this should be a breeze:

1. Public Market, Emeryville, CA -- Girls Generation

2. Brigs Great Beginnings Restaurant, Raleigh, NC -- BLACKPINK

3. Arlenes Grocery, NYC -- H.O.T.

4. Jerry's Subs, Lanham, MD -- TWICE

5. Point Pleasant Aquarium, Point Pleasant, NJ -- BTS

6. Farm Center of Kensington , Milford, MI -- MONSTA X

Answers will be revealed tomorrow!

Another EADJ Off-Brand T.P. Round-Up

Lord. How many of these have we had? Don't answer that.

Brand: Rensow Bath Tissue

Brand Imagery: Piss Yellow Label with Ugly Blue Swoosh

Brand Promise: A light swab at your nethers

Feels Like: Straddling a giant Q-Tip made of steel wool

Brand: Prime Select

Brand Imagery: A hurricane symbol?

Brand Promise: A swift, airy cleaning

Feels Like: Pointing a leaf blower at your anus

Brand: Classic

Brand Imagery: Pink abstract decorative swashes

Brand Promise: Softness and class

Feels Like: Wiping your asshole's tears at a rest stop 

Brand: Blank

Brand Imagery: None

Brand Promise: None

Feels Like: A hostage exchange on paper

Brand: Genuine Joe

Brand Imagery: White stripes on a blue band

Brand Promise: Efficiency, and nothing more

Feels Like: Joe hates your ass

No Batter What They Take From Me / They Can’t Take Away My Pathma-ark

This one has more toilet paper than usual.

Another Off-Brand TP Roundup

Brand: Brighton Professional

Brand Imagery: A swirling, gaping black asshole

Brand Promise: It's over before you know it

Feels Like: A Dremel tool on the basement door

Brand: MONOGRAM

Brand Imagery: Nothing except a blue bar

Brand Promise: A personalized approach

Feels Like: Hiding pine cones in your ass for later

Brand: CINTAS Signature Series

Brand Imagery: Elegant green S's

Brand Promise: A limited edition, special invitation-only event

Feels Like: A public, anonymous free-for-all on your butthole

Brand: Unnamed

Brand Imagery: A giraffe's hide?

Brand Promise: Like wiping with a giraffe?

Feels Like: Wiping with a giraffe

Brand: Unnamed

Brand Imagery: What looks like an arrowhead? Or a Star Destroyer from Star Wars? Or Superman sitting in a top?

Brand Promise: Sharp-edged object coming your way

Feels Like: Driving a knife where you shouldn't

I Can't Believe We Have Another Off-Brand TP Roundup

Brand: Keep It Green

Brand Imagery: Butterflies and leaves over grass or some shit

Brand Promise: An all-natural bathroom experience

Feels Like: Wiping with a scout badge

Brand: Slurpass* Surpass* Facial Tissue

Brand Imagery: A black oval, some beige leaves, and the brand name accompanied by an asterisk asshole

Brand Promise: Like nothing you've ever used before

Feels Like: Like nothing you've ever used before– like a radioactive cactus on fire

Brand: North River

Brand Imagery: What looks like the Led Zeppelin Zoso Symbols

Brand Promise: "A Stairway To Heaven"

Feels Like: "Trampled Under Foot"

Brand: Green Heritage

Brand Imagery: Leaves, leaves leaves.

Brand Promise: A feeling like being set adrift on a raft of billowing leaves

Feels Like: Sasquatch going in dry

Brand: Mont Royal

Brand Imagery: A fancy cursive name in royal blue

Brand Promise: A regal time on "the throne"

Feels Like: A violent revolt (with torches) in the central valley

Brand: Soft Touch

Brand Imagery: Rounded cursive letters over a soothing blue background

Brand Promise: "We won't hurt you..."

Feels Like: "...much."

The ProofrEADJer: Not November Yet Edition

  

And I thought these were just random initials but realized they meant to write "EACH."

Amazingly, Somehow Yet Another Off-Brand TP Roundup

Brand: Marcela Pro Snow Lily

Brand Imagery: Big pink maxi pad (or a pink wooden clog?) floating on a pink sea

Brand Promise: Virtually LINT FREE

Feels Like: Wiping your ass with paper that's just as strong as clothesdryer lint

Brand: Either "b" or "q." I can't tell.

Brand Imagery: a tiny blue tsunami curling on itself

Brand Promise: None

Feels Like: running a taxidermied marlin's dorsal fin between your butt cheeks

Brand: Carefree Choice Series

Brand Imagery: A leaf

Brand Promise: Feels like a leaf

Feels Like: A leaf

Brand: Boardwalk

Brand Imagery: A plain, unfriendly red and blue rectangle

Brand Promise: You will be taken to a refreshing walk along the Jersey Shore

Feels Like: Steve Buscemi shaking you down for all your struggling shop's money

Brand: Roses

Brand Imagery: Grey and pink lettering. Plus a grey rose.

Brand Promise: "Your ass will remember me."

Feels Like: Your butthole is the latest "Bachelorette," and all the suitors are wearing sandpaper tuxes.

The Off-Brand TP Round-Up, 2016 Edition

See 2015's entry here.

Brand: Millennium Mor-Soft M600

Brand Imagery: A stylized letter M that looks like a brown lady's nether-parts

Brand Promise: It is "more soft." But more soft than what? Gravel?

Feels Like: Setting off an M80 in your arse.

Brand: Certo

Brand Imagery: Either stackable cups, a worm or an uncircumcised green penis

Brand Promise: Unknown. "We're certain your ass will be clean?"

Feels Like: Having your anus booed at by apes

Brand: Medline

Brand Imagery: What looks like a spinning top logo. Very sharp and pointy. The name "Medline" sounds like it's going to give you a bloody bunghole.

Brand Promise: PLEASE DO NOT FLUSH TAMPONS IN TOILET

Feels Like: Sitting on a weaver's spinning, dry spindle

Brand: Monogram

Brand Imagery: Boring blue stripe. Boring logo.

Brand Promise: You will not notice us. We are average.

Feels Like: A stealth fighter's exhaust burning your bum.

Brand: Chalet

Brand Imagery: Downton Abbey

Brand Promise: A more proper, civilized way to wipe your filthy asshole.

Feels Like: Two gnarled twigs playing polo between your cheeks

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

"Two oil rig strips in the same week?" you might say. Hey, check out the big smarty-pants with a fucking calendar.

I Guess It's Time Once Again To Play Which Can, Erickson?

Click to enlarge:

Match the above toilets (indicated by hobo railroad symbols) to their location below:

A. Central Park, NYC

B. Terroni, Toronto

C. Schlesinger Associates Marketing Research, Houston TX

D. Squint Lake Park, Vancouver

E. Pizzeria Mozza, Los Angeles

F. The Hershey Story Museum, Hershey, PA

G. Great Wolf Lodge, Scotrun, PA

H. Turtleback Zoo, West Orange, NJ

Answers will be provided within a fortnight!

The ProofrEADJer, December Edition

From the set of "The Shining:"

Typos are pretty frequent in iPhone apps:

Third paragraph down, from the excellent book "The Circle" by Dave Eggers.

From my kids' daycare place.

From The Onion:

From Facebook, which we realize is almost ALL typos: