What the Shitfuck

So the other week I had to move some shrubs from one part of my yard into some planters. The planters look great now.


But the mass of torn up yard where they were looks like ass.


That's easily remedied by a quick trip to the Home Depot garden center to pick up some sod. Easy enough. But what is interesting is what I found amongst the old dirt:


#@$% autofocus!


I think this is some sort of pet treat ball. It's rubber on the outside with a little loose doohickey inside.


And what is this, an old horse stirrup? (A few minutes later I realized it was actually the brake for a 10 speed bicycle. Duh.)

Why is this shit buried in the backyard under shrubbery? If I dig deeper, will I find a rusty bike and a ferret skeleton? The previous owner to my house must have been some sort of junkyard voodoo wizard.

A Moviegoing Tip

If you see this on the screen in a movie theatre, you're not supposed to be:


This is the screen that should be immediately replaced by that familiar green screen saying "The following PREVIEW has been reviewed for ALL AUDIENCES" which leads into the trailers. If the above screen is still there after 2 minutes, something is terribly amiss in your theatre.

Like the projectionist is busy texting his buddies about the kegger at Joey Carmichael's basement on Thursday. Or that the kid who usually just tears tickets is trying to work a $50,000 piece of projection equipment. Or that someone in the projection room IS DEAD.

Whatever the reason is, you should be howling your disapproval at being forced to watch this screen, especially after having watched the weak-ass Powerpoint movie trivia slides that make up "The AMC Moviewatcher Network." (Unscramble these letters to spell out a star's name: OTM ANHSK)