Smecial Dreams Entry: Celebrity Edition

UAG

Schedule Changes To VidCon 2025

The industry's biggest meet up of influencers, podcasters and content creators is almost upon us. But due to unforeseen circumstances, the schedule of speakers has been changed. Those of you who have purchased tickets for particular speakers should check the updated line up for particulars:

• The OnlyFans workshop has been switched with the Labubu Modesty Brigade

• The aspiring Instagram boy band Hartz-4-U has been disbanded and rehired as maintenance workers

• Reaction vlogger Ju See Dat will not be standing by the women's bathroom reacting to whoever comes out as he had announced

• The Elon Musk Stan Podcast will be broadcasting from Hall D, not Hall E. 

• Unsigned rapper VinylPussy will be signing his demo tapes for $500 and selling branded hoodies for $1200 each

Autumn Leaf Was Ready For Halloween.

Autumn Leaf was ready for Halloween.

Other Leaves just smirked and looked fabulous.

And Another Leaf just seemed confused.

Bonus: Two Leaves show their love! ❤️

Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Seen

"Out of the way, lady! We've got a nuclear showdown in international waters to get to!"

"You know, we won't need a bigger boat after all."

(Some version of a terrible "icicle/icy kill" pun)

"EWWWW! Quick, does anyone have hand sanitizer?"

"You missed. You missed again. Nope, missed. Missed again. Missed. Another miss. Are you even aiming?"

The Horror That Is Public Domain

As of Jan. 1, 2024, the original Mickey Mouse from the 1928 cartoon film Steamboat Willie became public domain. And like lots of other properties that lost their copyright, Mickey was quickly turned into a horror movie:

Why is this always the inevitable fate of old cartoons? Do filmmakers still think this is edgy and hilarious? Are people even going to a theatre to see these? Your guess is as good as mine.

(I think the most enjoyable thing about these is reading the corny taglines on the movie posters.)

UAG

Don't Shop on Amazon if You Can Help It

But if you have to, make sure you order groceries on Amazon Fresh. Otherwise you're buying from some random seller and get it shipped like this in the mail:

 

"Great Works Are Performed Not By Strength, But Pathmark."

The Latest Crowdfunded Projects on Kickstarter

The following projects have successfully met their crowdfunding goals for this week on Kickstarter:

• A kitchen device that 3D prints and cooks lasagna that also nags its adult children why they aren't married yet

• A dog-whistle dog whistle that only racist dogs can hear

• Cargo pants that can hold a laptop, an iPad, two Xbox controllers and seven of Mom's White Claws stolen from the fridge

• A smooth, tapered podcast microphone that conservative podcast bros can shove up their ass

• A web-enabled rosary that posts a tweet every time you say a Hail Mary or an Our Father

A Familiar Face Pops Up Again

A FB ad features Doink The Clown Wrester, a name I haven't posted about here since the early 2000s.

Something I Noticed On YouTube

Served up to me on the algorithm after watching a video by Djo:

Geez. Does every cast member of "Stranger Things" have a record deal? What an incredibly talented group of people. Where's Dustin's dance video for "The Neverending Story"?

Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes, Knees and Toes...

Pictured below: A banner for Secret Body Spray: 

Pits, Underboobs, Privates, Feet.

Coincidentally, these four areas are where inmates in women's prisons are searched for weapons.

These could also be the nicknames of four female mafia enforcers.

Sofia "Pits" Scapelli

Lucia "Underboobs" Russo

Viola "Privates" Barbieri

Ginevra "Feet" De Luca

The ProofrEADJer: Early September Edition

UAG

Episode Summaries For This Week's Chicago ____________

Another week, another dump of public servant procedural programming by NBC. Here are the latest goings on of the fictional firemen, doctors and cops who proudly serve a real city:

Chicago Fire

Season 12, Episode 5: "Thus Spake SaraThrusta"

Captain Emberg loses his lower dentures while horsing around with Joey. Ladder 82 fights an out of control inferno affecting multiple buildings on Lake Shore Drive with the help of a truckload of Kool Aid Jammers. Sara's OnlyFans page is discovered, right before her performance review with the fire chief.

Chicago Med

Season 10, Episode 12: "The More You Know"

Dr. Carnegie and Wilhelm make a gentleman's agreement about the urinals. The Intensive Care night staff have a potluck. Nurse Hadley lets a patient die to make a point.

Chicago P.D.

Season 43, Episode 2: "Carrie, Charlotte, Samantha, and Miranda Rights"

Wilson, Dupri, and Sanchez escalate their circle game. A citywide ring of shoplifters is left alone after all the seized clothes they found were the wrong size. Tybalt shows his dong to the only witness to a murder.

A Bad Visual For a Bad Ad

Pictured below: a web banner for Banatrol (?!?!) where apparently a woman likes to sniff her fingers after having chronic diarrhea.

“Sometimes, when I get nervous, I stick my hands under my armpits and then I smell them like this!” - Mary Catherine Gallagher, SNL

This Week's Least Popular Hashtags on Xitter

Elon Musk's social media platform is now overrun by white supremacists, anti-democratic foreign troll farms and miserable far right shitposters. But there's also a dark side.

This platform is so overridden by negativity that certain hashtags have sharply fallen in usage. Here are some of them:

#diversity

#equity

#inclusion

#commonsense

#common_sense

#notbeingapieceofshitisagoodthing

#myfavoriteMayaAngelouquotes

#nosupportingourfuckingracistasspresident

#takingastepbackandthinkingaboutwhywomendontwanttofuckme

Good Financial Call.

You know, after careful consideration, I think my personal library could stand to break out of its rigid 'hardcover only' policy and accept the occasional paperback onto its shelves.

In this one case, at the very least.

Gettin Paid in 2025

Pictured below, former meme guy from 2010 parlays his internet fame into a suitable endorsement deal.

 

Get that bag, Antoine!