A Familiar Face Pops Up Again

A FB ad features Doink The Clown Wrester, a name I haven't posted about here since the early 2000s.

6 Lies Told By The United States Department of Agriculture's Food Safety Brochure, "Is It Done Yet?"

Pointing out the lies of a government agency is usually the realm of conspiracy nuts and fat militia bunker dipshits, but we decided to give it a go.

1) That girl doesn't really want a burger. She simply wants to make her Dad look bad in front of his friends by berating him. Who does she think she is.

2) Not real corn. Fake corn. Pseudo corn. Lies on the cob.

3) The dad's smile barely hides his contempt for the daughter. She's the reason they didn't go backpacking that year in Portugal. Fucking kid.

4) That chicken breast wasn't fully cooked. Grandma will eat that one.

5) When it was alive, that wasn't just "fish"; that salmon had dreams, joys... it had a name. It was Greg.

6) Aren't safe cooking temperatures pointless if you're cooking quiche for dinner? Who cares about living at that point? 

Eat A Dick Joel is thrilled to announce the release of the 6 Lies Told line of delicious raspberry jam. This old fashioned raspberry jam has the fresh, homey taste that will take you back to your childhood. All natural, low in sugar, no pectin, and bursting with berry flavor with a hint of lemon, it's lovingly made from fresh and never frozen raspberries. Perfect over breakfast toast or topped over plain yogurt for dessert. Order today!

On The Next Episode of the Lifetime Original Series "Walkway To Parking"

A showdown. A reckoning. And a chance for redemption.

Donna Parks (played by Melissa Joan Hart) discovers that the forces of evil have conspired to remove her from the Discounted Sipper list at Coffee Hut. Furthermore, Magneturtle is back and has blocked the walkway from the parking lot to the bank. MAJOR INCONVENIENCE.

But Donna has a few tricks up her sleeve. Or more likely, up her shirt. She uses her supple breasts as weapons against Magneturtle, who has never seen size C's this dangerous.

Will she prevail? Has Magneturtle met his match? Will Coffee Hut be open past 6pm as they'd promised earlier in the year? Because it's too far to walk to Ground Down, and they have pretty spotty customer service, if you ask me.

Rated MA for teenage witch tits and cartoon violence.

That's So Racist! Appliances