"Great Works Are Performed Not By Strength, But Pathmark."

The Answers To Tomorrow's Episode of "Spin That Button" Game Show

1) Rhubarb

2) tits

3) Pete Rock & CL Smooth

4) shirtless in LinkedIn

5) spanakopita

6) "out of many, one"

7) 83.3333333333

8) Barry Wood

9) Montesquieu

10) "Hot side hot, cool side cool!"

EADJ Cryptocurrency News!

EADJ has the latest cryptocurrency news, updates, values, prices, and more related to Bitcoin, Ethereum, Dogecoin, DeFi and NFTs, starting RIGHT NOW!!!!

• Bitcoin Miner XPORNSTARXCOREY8 has announced a merger with next door neighbor and best friend 69PENTHOUSEDUDExSOHUNG to pool their resources for a global operation, currently valued at ₿6.7 Trillion

• NFT update: the Pink Armadillo With A Party Hat NFT has plunged in value from ₿80 billion to only ₿4 billion because someone on SNL said the word "pink". Up to four dozen bitcoin trillionaires have lost their life savings.

• Federal Trade Commissioner Henry Pym has assured investors that bitcoin volatility has been stabilized after someone removed a leaf from the Wall Street ticker outside.

• Crypto-startup EXCELLENCE has successfully converted all of their company's assets into blockchain technology and have reduced their real-world footprint into a thumb drive that's around here somewhere...

• The following new bitcoin currencies have been announced as of four minutes ago:

    - Georgies

    - Porgies

    - Puddings

    - Pies

    - XTreme Savage Points

    - Marlboro Miles

    - Douches

    - Coaches

The Latest New Benefits Of An AMC Stubs Rewards Membership

AMC would like you to join their Stubs Rewards program. How badly? Well, they've partnered with a ton of co-sponsors to bring you the hottest, latest exclusive perks if you JOIN NOW! Here are the latest benefits you can enjoy as an AMC Stubs member:

• The guy at Dunkin will show you his hilarious dick tattoo

• Everyone at the Hair Cuttery will discuss movies with you, no matter how boring you are

• Free large popcorn with purchase of the entire AMC theatre

• The local car dealership will let you take a "test drive" to the part of town that has prostitutes

• Access to exclusive AMC gummy worms in commemorative collectible box

• If anyone slaps the phone out of your hand for texting during a movie, we will let you fight back

• Free golf cart ride to the bathroom waaaay over on the other side of the theatre

• Free commas ,,,,,,,,,,,,,

• If any big name Hollywood celebrities show up to watch a movie, we'll let you sit behind them so you can smell their hair

• Free unpopped popcorn kernels- all you can carry home!

UAG

UAG

Some Watercolor Animals And Their Terrible Confessions

As If By Popular Demand, The Off-Brand T.P. Roundup Is Back!

Every once in a while, an unloved, forgotten-about EADJ blog segment comes back and bothers everybody again. This is one of those segments.


Brand: Somerset Quality Toilet Tissue
Design: Outline of a red swan to indicate elegance, redness of asshole after using.
Blurb From Celebrity We Don't Give a Shit About: "Somerset doesn't tear, and that's all I care about." -Susan Boyle


Brand: Greenhouse Bath Tissue
Design: See/say tree inside a house outline. Ambitious claim to "save our environment, one wipe at a time." Also, odd pattern that resembles the carpet in "The Shining."
Blurb From Celebrity We Don't Give a Shit About: "Whenever I do cocaine in the bathroom of the courthouse, I use this to wipe my nose. I'll suck your dick for ten dollars." -Lindsay Lohan


Brand: Renature Bathroom Tissue
Design: A witch ring of maple leaves surrounding a pine tree drawn from an art class.
Blurb From Celebrity We Don't Give a Shit About: "Renature means renal failure can be fun!" -Ali Fedotowsky from "The Bachelorette"


Brand: Renew
Design: White type reversed on green puddle of poo
Blurb From Celebrity We Don't Give a Shit About: "Where's my cell phone? I have to use the bathroom. (audible fart)" -Snooki


Brand: SS Quality Bathroom Tissue
Design: Overfat blue letter S's
Blurb From Celebrity We Don't Give a Shit About: "Holy goddamn, I lost that entire wad of toilet paper somewhere. Did it evaporate?" -Snooki


Brand: Unnamed threatening gigantic roll of white paper
Design: NONE
Blurb From Celebrity We Don't Give a Shit About: "I just straddled a paper bronco, and I got chafed like you wouldn't believe. Now I have two half-balls." -Jose Canseco


Brand: Green Heritage / Bay West Eco Soft (twofer)
Design: Half-drawn leaf / globe in a styrofoam take-out container
Blurb From Celebrity We Don't Give a Shit About: "None of us have a job. I'm actually ashamed that we don't contribute one iota to society in one productive way. We really are ashamed of ourselves. Why do we even exist?" -the Kardashian sisters / "Nobody likes me, mainly because I'm still an asshole." -Gene Simmons


Brand: Genuine Joe Cleaning & Breakroom Supplies Bath Tissue
Design: Hardworking communist clip art spraying the air
Blurb From Celebrity We Don't Give a Shit About: "Now there's a Joe I can put behind me, if ya know what I mean, when it comes to really cleanin' up Washington and all that there stuff there...(wink) (inaudible fart) " -Sarah Palin, via Twitter

*Editor's note: So after checking our archives, it turns out that four of these T.P.s have been reviewed before. Our apologies. We promise it will be an even longer hiatus before we trot this unlovable segment again.

It's all dick to Joel.

Whenever Joel is in an introspective, soul-searching mood, he goes to the nearest sweat lodge and talks to his spirit animal, the angora rabbit.

His shaman translates from rabbitspeak whatever the spirit animal says to Joel. Last week it was "KILL ALL CHILDREN" and "RAPE SOMETHING, QUICK!" This week the wise angora rabbit said "WHY DO YOU LET THAT BLOG MAKE FUN OF YOU, YOU FUCKING PUSSY?!!!! MURDER THAT BLOGGER!!!! KILL HIM!!! BOMB HIS SERVER!!!!" Unfortunately, Joel was too busy eating the shaman's dick to write it down. Whoopsie.

(pictured above, the worst gang ever)