UAG

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

The One Minute Gynecological Clinic at CVS was a hit.

DMX prays for inspiration to create a new combination of the same six words that he uses in all his songs.

"Did I get it? No, this side? Dammit, do you have a mirror?"

Funny, I was sure the Virgin Mary was a Crip wearing all that blue.

Dante describes what happened to his bed when Axl Rose sat down on it.

To answer your question- fuck yeah, Notary Publics make some money.

Mike Posner wanted to sleep, but since you insisted on seeing the plane land, he opened the window shade. Happy now, you dick?

Not a real Rolex. But that's okay- that's not real cocaine either.

It was four days since her interview at Ann Taylor Loft, and Karla was wondering what was taking so long for them to call her.

Getty Images thanks you for your stock image order. "FeatherOnScale.jpg" should be available for download shortly.

It took no less than 5 different logo'd organizations to bring you this pile of crap.

R. Kelly regrets giving you a coriander enema. It should have been basil and rosemary.

"Just put a white streak over his eyes to hide his identity. No one will sue us then."

I don't quite understand the Wendy's hatred here. Maybe it's because of this.

This might be the most unposed-looking pose I've ever seen on an album cover.

Let's Wash The EADJ Mail Sack In Hot Water And Bake The Stains In Worse Than They Are Already!

Submitted by Patrick Ng, an open invitation to participate in the filming of "Beckinfield" with Star Trek: The Next Generation's Jonathan Frakes.




What is "Beckinfield," you ask? According to their website, "Anyone can join the ongoing story, build an audience, impress a Hollywood casting director, be featured in the highlight reel, and even make headlines in the Beckinfield newspaper."

So, that means Jonathan Frakes is essentially padding his resumé with online community theatre.

UAG

UAG

No Words.

I took a poop at Pathmark (don't ask) and spotted this:




"Meat?!" That's all it says? And why did an employee take it into a bathroom stall? Why does it just say "meat?" What was he doing with "meat" in the bathroom? My head hurts. But my ass feels so much better.

Analysis

***Planner Ghetto Update***

After consulting with expert trackers and Navy Seal recon teams, EADJ has found way to navigate around the planners' obstacles and successfully reach the bathroom. This particular maneuver is called "Threading the Needle."

COMING MONDAY: An actual video of Jessica Foster demonstrating "Threading the Needle."