Smecial Dreams Entry

One day a shrink will analyze all these smecial entries and wonder why he wasted his time doing so.

Rockville Festival in Jacksonville Florida: Lineup 2016

Personally, I'd skip Sunday. 

(Click to enlarge)

UAG

Some Hollywood Movie Ideas Based On Names of Pizza Hut Gourmet Pizzas

Everybody knows that Hollywood is plum fresh out of new script ideas. Recently representatives from Sony Pictures, Legendary Pictures, DreamWorks and others showed up at a Union, NJ Pizza Hut to grab a menu and green-light the titles of the latest pizzas into feature film properties. Here now are some of their offerings, due for release in 2017 (all with strict Pizza Hut promotional tie-ins):

"Garden Party" starring John C. Reilly, Russell Brand, and Laura Prepon.
A down-on-his-luck landscaper (Reilly) is mistaken for a reclusive rock star (Brand) and becomes the latest YouTube sensation, scoring millions of hits for his ukulele covers of chart topping hits. Also starring Clark Duke as the major label intern who knows what's up.

"Old Fashioned Meatbrawl" starring Wesley Snipes, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Randy Couture and John Cena. Four badass Pizza Hut employees avenge their murdered manager and go on an ass-whipping, pie-topping rampage to find the killers. Alison Williams stars as Peter Pan Pizza.

"Pretzel Piggy" directed by Tim Burton, starring Adam Driver, Zoe Saldana, Minnie Driver and Bill Murray.
A stop-motion adventure starring a twisted pork flavored pretzel (Murray) his potato chip friends (the Drivers) and a sexy, salty cheese puff (Saldana). Soundtrack by (surprise!) JOHN WILLIAMS!

"Buffalo State Of Mind" starring Julianne Moore, John Hurt and Charlotte Rampling.
This very serious movie about a very adult subject captures the human spirit and the uplifting triumph of... well, whattaya know, an Oscar already!?

"Cock-A-Doodle Bacon" starring Julianne Moore, John Hurt and Charlotte Rampling.
This wacky crowd-pleaser is simply "Buffalo State Of Mind" re-edited with CG dicks and pieces of bacon, voiced by Patton Oswalt and Demetri Martin.

"7-Alarm Fire" starring Casey Affleck, Anthony Mackie and Amanda Seyfried.

A disaster movie set in the row-houses of Boston, this chronicles a young firefighter (Affleck) and how he overcomes racism to save a dozen neighborhoods. Special visual effects by Digital Domain.

"Sweet Sriracha Dynamite" starring Kevin James, Sofia Vergara, Andy Samberg and Rob Schneider. Directed by Adam McKay.

A bumbling suburban slob (James) switches bodies with a hot Latina supermodel and starts a grass-roots scholarship fund to send young but less fortunate hispanic women to college. Dynamite!

"Skinny With A Kick" starring Benedict Cumberbatch and Adrien Brody.

Think "Bloodsport" without muscles. Two skinny white men start a bare-knuckles fighting championship, but only a confused exchange student and two stray dogs join. Directed by "Corrina, Corrina" director Jessie Nelson.

Track Listing For a Kwanzaa Carols CD Written By Someone Who Knows Nothing About Kwanzaa But Has The Utmost Respect For It But Only Has The CD Cover To Go By

1) Feast?

2) 6 Pillars of Pride

3) The Red, Green and Black of It All

4) And Now We Pass The Cup

5) Salt, Fruit, and Wheat Threshings

6) Blessings of the Season (Uptown Remix)

7) What The Corn Means (What Does It Mean?)

8) Performing On Greenscreen

9) Kwanzaa: An Evening (Week?) of Reflection or Celebration or Something

10) Deck The Halls (Serious Kwanzaa Version)

11)  Light That Candle (For That Kwanzaa Flame)

What If The NJ Transit Survey People Were Trees?

I know it's been a while since we've covered this venerated group. And I know there are a lot of you who have been wondering, "if those six people had been born as different types of trees, what would they be?" Well, wait no more for an answer, for here it is, dendrophiles, a guide from EADJ in association with the National Park Service:

1) "Jesse"

Jesse is solid, reliable, and strong. But maybe a bit boring. And probably not around when things start to cool down, so not an evergreen. Jesse would be a Big Leaf Maple.

2) "Jess"

This one is easy. With flailing limbs, slender build and impressive height, Jesse would easily be a Weeping Willow. You go, Jess!

3) "Angie"

Now, I know you're expecting us to just make her a bush because she's just a floating head, LOL blah blah blah. But you're not seeing the true nature of Angie: sensible, sensitive and more than a little tired of people's "guff." Slight but strong. That's Angie. And that's the Ohio Buckeye.

4) "Trina"

Shapely. Flirtatious. Lecherous. Widely cultivated as a flowering ornamental throughout the temperate world. Yep, that's Trina. A Staghorn Sumac if I ever saw one.

5) "Don With The Thumbs"

With outer branches that are often pendulous with curled tips, the Horse Chestnut was the first and only contender for dear Don. Also, what has two thumbs and has seed extract used for its venotonic effect, vascular protection, anti-inflammatory and free radical scavenging properties? This guy!

6) "Simon Peter"

Pass. That guy bores me. Shit, only one more to do? Fine. I chose Canoe Birch because it's the closest one to the word "bitch." Happy? Cool. We're done here!

EADJ Christmas Gift Guide: Purchasing The Right Katy Perry Perfume For Your Dog

Does your dog eat lots of table scraps with meat, causing him to emit long, wet farts that stay in your curtains for weeks? Katy Perry recommends her Killer Queen scent, an empowering and regal fragrance that hides dog farts with nobility and imperial magnificence!

Katy Perry Royal Revolution literally overthrows her previous release Killer Queen off the throne, forcing the queen to bow and beheads her in front of a bloodthirsty crowd of peasants. It's also a great scent for covering up the ammonia stains your Welsh Corgis will leave all over the velvet pillows when they watch their momma get guillotined.

Did your dachshund vomit all those Fig Newtons after you left the package open on the couch? Fear not, idiot. Katy Perry's Mad Potion will cleverly make that puke stain smell like dark magic- with a hint of musk and something we call "Katy taint," your couch will smell (but not look) like new!