And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Start a Gothic Story

Gothic fiction is a subgenre of horror, exemplified by authors such as H.P. Lovecraft, Edgar Allan Poe, AND Mary Shelley. Gothic horror consists of moody landscapes, supernatural experiences, and an atmosphere filled with dread. You can write your own piece of gothic fiction if you know about its conventions.

At the beginning of your story, take care to describe your setting and characters who are present at the beginning of your story. Just make sure that you don't give away too much information in the beginning. Leave some things to describe later, like the villain and other mysterious elements of your story.

Secondly, Gothic readers love metaphors, so use imagery (such as ghosts, vampires) to convey a deeper meaning. That could be political, sexual, or emotional. Either way, metaphors, when done right, add a new level of terror in your story.

And speaking of new levels, when you call my limo to pick you up at the airport and you text me you'll be standing at Door 1, Level 2, don't be standing at Door 2, Level 1. I can't be both places at once! Be safe, kids!

This Faucet Spells "TIT."

That is all.

EADJ Christmas Gift Guide: Purchasing The Right Katy Perry Perfume For Your Dog

Does your dog eat lots of table scraps with meat, causing him to emit long, wet farts that stay in your curtains for weeks? Katy Perry recommends her Killer Queen scent, an empowering and regal fragrance that hides dog farts with nobility and imperial magnificence!

Katy Perry Royal Revolution literally overthrows her previous release Killer Queen off the throne, forcing the queen to bow and beheads her in front of a bloodthirsty crowd of peasants. It's also a great scent for covering up the ammonia stains your Welsh Corgis will leave all over the velvet pillows when they watch their momma get guillotined.

Did your dachshund vomit all those Fig Newtons after you left the package open on the couch? Fear not, idiot. Katy Perry's Mad Potion will cleverly make that puke stain smell like dark magic- with a hint of musk and something we call "Katy taint," your couch will smell (but not look) like new!

The Full-Mouth Nightmares Continue

"Those who don't remember recent advertising history are doomed to repeat it."  - Some Quotation Source

Who Needs Axe?

Spotted in a discount store in Irvington, NJ: a rack of excellently titled scents.

Click to engorge...er, enlarge.


In addition to the Chanel No. 5 and Polo Black knockoffs ("Parise Hilton Type"), I was delighted to find other original titles: "Black Women," "Tupac," and "Sex On the Beach."


I did notice that the more explicit fragrances, e.g. "Lick Me All Over," "Eat It Raw" and "Butt Naked" were all sold out.


Let's just hope they had money left over for condoms. Or just one that they could reuse.

A Bold New EADJ Segment: What Matt Thinks

Eat A Dick Joel is proud to present a new regular series for 2008, What Matt Thinks. Enjoy.



Later, via IM: