An Open Letter To Reese's

Hey Reese's. How's it going. 

I heard that news item about you guys changing the ingredients of some Reese's to contain less chocolate, and a bunch of people, including the grandson of the Reese's inventor, had a problem with the recipe change.

And I've noticed lately that Reese's cups seem more waxy, cheap tasting, and grosser, so I stopped buying them.

But in April, you announced that you'll go back to the recipe in 2027, which is great, but I'm not waiting 2 years for goddamned peanut butter cups.

So you can launch all the new crazy versions of Reese's cups: Reese's Marshmallow, Reese's Big Cup, Reese's OREO, whatever. But until you change that recipe back, a lot of us are gonna just eat peanut butter out of the jar.

Thanks, 

EADJ 

Memorable Quotes From Movies I Haven't Seen

 Previous stupid entries here.

"OMG! 💀🔪🩸⚰️👎"

"I can't believe we're still doing this in 2020. We should totally be arrested!"

"What a creepy doll. Still not as creepy as your American Girl Place doll, Amber."

"I vant to suck your..."

*unzips*

"...Oh. Okay. Well, that was easy!"

"I'm pregnant."

"And then all the anthropomorphic animals celebrated a joyous, secular holiday and spontaneously started singing a heartwarming but forgettable ending number."

"I wish that fucking widow would stop pointing at me. WHO ARE YOU POINTING AT, BITCH?"

The Pathmark of Least Resistance

What If The NJ Transit Survey People Were Trees?

I know it's been a while since we've covered this venerated group. And I know there are a lot of you who have been wondering, "if those six people had been born as different types of trees, what would they be?" Well, wait no more for an answer, for here it is, dendrophiles, a guide from EADJ in association with the National Park Service:

1) "Jesse"

Jesse is solid, reliable, and strong. But maybe a bit boring. And probably not around when things start to cool down, so not an evergreen. Jesse would be a Big Leaf Maple.

2) "Jess"

This one is easy. With flailing limbs, slender build and impressive height, Jesse would easily be a Weeping Willow. You go, Jess!

3) "Angie"

Now, I know you're expecting us to just make her a bush because she's just a floating head, LOL blah blah blah. But you're not seeing the true nature of Angie: sensible, sensitive and more than a little tired of people's "guff." Slight but strong. That's Angie. And that's the Ohio Buckeye.

4) "Trina"

Shapely. Flirtatious. Lecherous. Widely cultivated as a flowering ornamental throughout the temperate world. Yep, that's Trina. A Staghorn Sumac if I ever saw one.

5) "Don With The Thumbs"

With outer branches that are often pendulous with curled tips, the Horse Chestnut was the first and only contender for dear Don. Also, what has two thumbs and has seed extract used for its venotonic effect, vascular protection, anti-inflammatory and free radical scavenging properties? This guy!

6) "Simon Peter"

Pass. That guy bores me. Shit, only one more to do? Fine. I chose Canoe Birch because it's the closest one to the word "bitch." Happy? Cool. We're done here!

The ProofrEADJer: Jersey Shore Edition

The Jersey Shore: a veritable wonderland of glaring typos.