Get Ready For BETRAYAL and DISLOYALTY in the Marvel BATTLE WORLD: TREACHERY at TWILIGHT!

Marvel Battle World: Treachery At Twilight is a revolutionary cooperative, expandable, collectible adventure game featuring dozens of characters from all over the Marvel Universe! Players get to open the mysterious Thanostones during the course of play to reveal the mystery character inside! And best of all, players can test their strategies by stabbing their opponents in the back at the most opportune time! It's a Machiavellian dream! You can try these sweet combo moves:

• Agree to pick your friend up at the airport, but call at the last minute that you had tickets to a murder mystery play and really wanted to see it!

• Get your friend hired at your work but start spreading vicious rumors about them among your co-workers and supervisors so that they get shunned and fired before the week is even over!

• Find out what programs your friend is currently watching and post on their FB feed all the major spoilers!

• Pay off all their debts to collection agencies, then tell them that you bought their debt and are charging them twice the interest!

• Lie to them that you've been vaccinated and give them COVID-19!

The ProofrEADJer: Mid-December Edition

 

UAG

***IMPORTANT WEBSITE UPDATE***

Eat A Dick Joel has learned that Pewter Bear- that despicable, shallow, miserable wretch of an irregular, minor character- had taken over the website yesterday, offering free hugs and watered down content to suit its particularly horrible tastes.

We assure you that the following steps have been made to remedy this intrusion.

• All "Pewter Bear" search tags have been removed from Google. In fact, if you type "Pewter Bear" in you search bar now, a graphic photo of eyeball surgery becomes your desktop wallpaper.

• Pewter Bear has lost all access to EADJ editing and posting. In addition, we have seized Pewter Bear's bank accounts and even shut down his Netflix and Hulu Plus accounts. We have ordered his cable company to repossess all cable boxes from his home, which has been put into foreclosure by his bank. Edward Snowden will now be granted immunity to come live in his house with no pants on.

• All of Pewter Bear's XBox Achievements and Medals have been deleted.

• Pewter Bear's name has been legally changed to "Simpering Shitfuck, III"

• The market value of pewter has been dropped to -$568.31/oz. It actually costs you to own any pewter whatsoever!

• Pewter Bear's segment "Stuffed Animal Reviews" has been changed to "Hooker Armpit Farts."

• All previous mentions of Pewter Bear in previous entries have been removed and replaced with an ASCII file of Ryan Reynolds. This is far less annoying.

• This list is a "living document," guaranteed to grow as soon as we think up some other shit to do to him. Fuck Pewter Bear.

Alliteration At All Costs

Spotted in Manhattan, between The Wonderful Projects and The Enjoyable Ghetto.

Project Hillbilly Teeth, Phase 2

(cue irritating banjo music)

As we continue Project Hillbilly Teeth, it's important to recap our mission goals:

1) find business cards that people have either mistakenly dropped or thrown away in public places

2) retain these business cards to protect these innocent people from identity thieves

3) mail them a confusing letter with a free package of "Bubba" Hillbilly Teeth

4) profit


Over the past month, EADJ has collected quite a few of these errant business cards. But don't worry– we have plenty of "Bubba" Hillbilly Teeth to go around.


In this installment, we meet Arlene and Thomas.





For both letters, we decided to go thankful and celebratory in tone.
(Click to enlarge and read)



A little postage, and our Bubba teeth are good to go!



And here's an artist's depiction of what we imagine Arlene and Thomas to look like when they try on their brand new "Bubba" Hillbilly Teeth:



Stay tuned as we confuse more random people in future entries. In the docket: a priest from London, a social service coordinator, a managing director for Morgan Stanley, and a shuttle driver for Squaw Creek Resort!

(end irritating banjo music)

Let's Sign the EADJ Mail Sack Up for a Karaoke Song That It Doesn't Know the Words To, So It Totally Embarasses Itself!

Submitted by J'Net, a totally grody note by some wedding shoe store:


"If shoes are returned with ANY signs of toe marks, the shoes will be considered unsellable and will be returned without refund or exchange.

As a precaution, consider washing your feet prior to trying on these new shoes, especially if you have been outdoors wearing open toe shoes."

What kind of pigfucking hillbillies are getting married these days? Wait, don't answer that, I know. The same kind who are stealing all the headlines from the CNN front page. Dumb toothless pregnant a-hole celebrity jack-fucks.

Oooooooh! Aaaaaaaaaahh!

EADJ wishes both of its readers a Happy Independence Day.