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Ellen's Garden Restoration: Micromanage and yell at all of your employees but be sure to appear friendly and charming whenever the TV cameras come on. BOSS LEVEL: interview and confront Dakota Johnson!

 

Perhaps A Chuck Berry Fan?

Pictured below, someone's paranoid that the flush sensor is also a TMZ camera.

As If Beauty Pageants Weren't Sad Enough

I came across this "Ms. Planet Beach International" pageant on TV the other day. And it was the regular tits-and-smile fare for a while, but then host Lorenzo Lamas (who I thought I was done making fun of) interviewed each contestant and asked them to hold up some cosmetic product and SELL it.


Each contestant pretended to be delighted to hold the bottle of whatever they'd been asked to peddle; quite a few said something like, "wow, I actually use this product!"

Watch this video to see glimpses of Lorenzo Lamas' soul dying:



And here's a way-too-long video that explains the "spokesmodel search" more in depth. I think it's no accident that the length of the video is 9:11.

An Unseasonably Warm April

Either that, or somebody peeked at the Ark of the Covenant.