Upcoming Double Feature

A semi-political comedy from 1999 featuring a young Michelle Williams and Kirsten Dunst (71% Fresh on Rotten Tomatoes) coupled with a 2010 Swedish comedy directed by Josef Fares (unrated on Rotten Tomatoes, but 46% Rotten Audience Score) makes for a great night in with your hand in your sweatpants!

25 Days of Hallmark Movies, Day 3: "Engaging Father Christmas"

Romance Factor: 2 out of 10

Christmas Cheer: 8 out of 10

Overall Rating: 5 out of 10

Time Until First Kiss: 00:07:39

I will not be watching Episode I or III of this trilogy.

But What If It Isn't A Harmonica?

The brochure for a performance by American Idol's Taylor Hicks in South Orange obviously shows him jamming out on a harmonica. 

But what if that weren't true? What else would that be a photo of? EADJ explores the possibilities:

Scenario 1: Taylor Hicks in the middle of a power ballad gets a massive toothache and cannot finish the part about hardening his heart and swallowing his tears.

Scenario 2: Midsong, Taylor Hicks gets a part of the microphone in his mouth and discovers that it's absolutely DELICIOUS!!!!! He proceeds to devour the microphone and just marvels at how scrumptious every bite is.

Scenario 3: Goofing around in the studio, Taylor Hicks learns that blowing his nose sounds 100% exactly like Kenny G's Selmer Mark VI Soprano saxophone. At his next live performance, he belts out "Songbird" to the lukewarm delight of the crowd.

Scenario 4: People have told Taylor Hicks that he looks exactly like George Clooney, but only if HE COVERS HIS MOUTH. Taylor notices some hot honeys in the front row of his next concert and tries his best to impress him with his George Clooney looks, minus the mouth.

Scenario 5: Taylor Hicks only THINKS he has a harmonica, but it's actually one of those Take 5 candy bars. You see, Taylor has suffered some sort of mild brain aneurysm and is now convinced that Take 5 bars are harmonicas. Play us some more blues, brain damaged Taylor Hicks!

Introducing: Ass Harmonica!

Are you suffering from chronic gastritis or constant bloating? And do you like harmonica music? Then the Ass Harmonica is for you! The makers of Ass Harmonica have scientifically combined embarrassing symptoms of persistent gas with the love of blues harp to create a pleasant and FUN way to get rid of unwanted farty pants.

Here's how it works: Ass Harmonica is a larger-than-normal sized harmonica that you play with your ass instead of your mouth. And since you're playing with your asscrack, the harmonica is held vertically. You discharge any gas you may have into one of the 78 blow holes in the Ass Harmonica, and nothing but beautiful blues music comes out.


Made from military-grade aluminum and stainless steel, the Ass Harmonica is a lovingly handcrafted musical instrument destined to become a beloved heirloom. It also has been endorsed by both the Memphis Blues Historical Society and the National Association of Gastroenterologists. It's become so popular, in fact, that freshmen at Rutgers University in Piscataway, New Jersey will all receive Ass Harmonicas when they arrive for Fall semester! (Duke University and the College of William and Mary will have Ass Harmonicas for their freshmen in the spring.)


The makers of Ass Harmonica are also working on a special Ass Harmonica belt/bracket so users can play while running or riding a recumbent bicycle. Also, look for an eco-friendly version of Ass Harmonica made from bamboo and spittle later this fall!

Also coming soon: Ass Flute, Ass Castanets, and Ass Piccolo