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I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

The Biggest Revelations From The Interview With Fergie In The Spring Issue of Walgreens "Happy and Healthy" Guide

• The real talent of the group? apl.de.ap

• During her Super Bowl halftime performance singing "Sweet Child O' Mine," Fergie says she could see Slash's soul leaving his body.

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• Her relationship with Josh Duhamel is totally boring

• Before she sucked solo and sucked with the Black Eyed Peas, did you know she sucked in a girl band called Wild Orchid?

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• When she's not ruining music, her favorite hobbies are shopping and not ruining music.

• It takes the average retoucher 653 man hours to retouch photos of her.

• She actually sang backup vocals for Katy Perry's "Firework." Not really.

• She no longer eats caramel corn from those big tin canisters you get at Christmastime along with cheese corn and chocolate corn because her turds came out massive.

• Prefers the Harry Potter books to listening to her own music.

• Once stormed offstage after being heckled by a bat.

• Does push-ups between takes so her voice comes out sweaty.

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Sausalito, CA Isn't Known For Its Irony

So I'm guessing that this wasn't put up as someone's idea of a goddamned joke.