Well, Shit

Apparently the U.S. isn't available on certain websites. Oh well!

Today We Asked The Riders of the NJ Transit Customer Satisfaction Survey Where YOUR Lost Chapstick is

You lost your Chapstick. We asked them where they think it is.

Jesse: "Maybe in your car's cup holder? No wait, you take the train. Duh!

Jess: Have you checked your purse? Like all the side pockets, too?

Angie: I bet it's washing in the laundry as we speak.

Trina: You and I hooked up last night. I think it's inside me.

Don With The Thumbs: Oh, that was YOUR Chapstick, dude? Gross!

Simon Peter: Never mind that. Have you heard about NFTs and how its investment potential is blowing up? 

25 Days of Hallmark Movies: Day 14: "The Christmas Trap" Starring Colin Lawrence and Lucia Walters

This Hallmark Lifetime Christmas movie was a gift. Because I didn't know it was only 10 minutes long before watching it. Bingo, bango, day 14 out the door:

Plot summary: "When a couple on the brink of divorce gets stuck in an elevator together on Christmas Eve, both think this will be a nightmare. But surprisingly, the Christmas music brings back memories, the gifts they have just shopped for spark a flame, and a misunderstanding from a Christmas past is resolved. As the elevator crew works overtime to rescue them, they realize where they went wrong and rekindle a love that had never really died."

Romance Factor: 5 out of 10

Christmas Cheer: 4 out of 10

Overall Rating: 4.5 out of 10

Time Until First Kiss: 00:10:00

Cheapo Construction Companies

The other week we had an entry that featured a poster with some safety site icons:

Then earlier today I was doing a search for stock imagery for warning signs for work, when I came across these same icons on a free website:

Hmm. I guess using free stock imagery for posters is a lot cheaper than chaining undocumented graphic designers to a radiator and making them crank out six quality icons that can stand out at 20 feet. It's just economics.

UAG

EADJ Demerits

As the first semester enters its second month, we at EADJ would like to remind everyone that we've adopted the demerit system on this blog. And unfortunately, we have a lot of demerits to give out.

• 1 demerit to those Aamco or Maaco or whatever the fuck commercials where those people make irritating car noises with their mouths.

• 1 demerit to Josh Brolin for not starring in anything awesome in the past 3 months.

• 2 demerits to Gisele Bundchen for opening her stupid fucking mouth again.

• 1 demerit to the word "defibrillator" for being so hard to spell or pronounce.

• 3 demerits to Paul Shaffer for still doing that "pointing" move.


• 5 demerits to Green Giant Steamers for reminding me of poop with your name.

• 2 demerits to Carson Daly for his hosting duties on "The Voice" and reminding us that he has no musical talent or charisma.

• 3 demerits to Asplundh. You know what you did.

• 8 demerits to guys who leave gum in urinals

• 2 demerits to Joel for having filmed ONLY ONE CRISS ANGEL MINDFREAK TRICK.

• 4 demerits to Four Square for not making me Mayor of Jiffy Lube #425 in Newark.

• 848 demerits to Bobby Brown.

• 3 demerits to Maybelline (no reason given)

• 2 demerits to that recent Tron movie for not being better.

• 7 demerits to my bladder for making me tinkle when I farted just then.

The ProofrEADJer, October Edition

Racist Appliances Return!

Way back in March, we introduced the Racist Appliances, a segment that ran for only a couple of entries.

Out of a lack of anything better to blog about, here we revisit those biased household electronics:

UAG

EADJ Etiquette Center

A new segment on manners by EADJ.


Etiquette Tip: Too often these days, if you see someone you know in the hallway or on the elevator at work, they ask "How are you?" and you say, "Fine, how are you?" and for some reason (maybe they haven't been paying attention), they say "Fine, how are you?" a second time, which is really infuriating.

In the cases where they ask you a second time how you are, it is acceptable to just say "Cunt." We even ran this by Miss Manners, and she was cool with it.

The very first EADJ weekend entry.

Highlights from the "Send Joel to Michelle Branch Charity Concert:"

• Cake sing a Johnny Cash cover, changing the lyrics from "I Walk the Line" to "Joel Eats a Dick."

• 4 Non-Blondes reunite briefly before realizing it was a terrible idea.

• Nicole Kidman comes out to introduce her new husband, Michael Buble.

• Fred Durst delivers six pizzas to the venue, doesn't get tipped.

• Jesus Lizard plays 4 one-word songs. Guess which four words.

• Red Hot Chili Peppers play yet another song that sounds identical to "Under the Bridge."

• Kid Rock pours his hepatitis onto a thirsty crowd.

• Joel joins The Decemberists and Arcade Fire on stage. It's the first time the two bands have ever been booed.

(pictured above, Kelly Marrazza takes it cardboard-style)