An Imagined Conversation

"Look at this bachelor pad. This place is a dump, and those Scandinavian liquor models are coming over any minute to take us to the Empire Hotel rooftop for some bottle service and to hang with Nikki and Paulo! Hand me the broom, Jeff."

"Broom?! Ha ha, you gotta be kidding me, Rob. We don't have a broom anymore. We're not friggin' dorks, man. We now have a Three To Tango broom, which is all about style!"

"Whoa! Look at that broad sweeper! Can it brush dirt off our bamboo floors like the old broom did?"

"You bet, Rob. It does just as good a job as any old nerdy broom. But this baby has the added bonus of cleaning with fun, festive colors and hologram glitter all over the handle and head!"

"Fuck me! That is so amazingly stylish! And look at it sweep just like a boring, unadorned broom! Look at my striped shirt!"

"And you think that stops with the broom? Oh no, my friend. You can also get a dustpan and brush that is just as stylish and cool." Every step of the sweeping up process has now been made chic and in vogue!"

"It's like we're underwear models on the catwalk now!"

"It's cool cleaning for a hip home like ours, Rob! We are sweeping in style!"

(third bedroom door opens)

"Rob, Jeff, I'm trying to sleep in here but can't because of your loud, effeminate caterwauling about 'sweeping in style.' You guys are fucking pussies. And is that my shirt?!"

EADJ Fashion Roundup

 

Overburdened by two heavy black bags? Why not pass the burden on to two four inch heels? Fuck 'em.

 

 What's crazier than cutting off your ear and sending it to a prostitute? That tie.

 

 

 So this guy is not only riding on the train, he's wearing a jacket with a patch WITH A SUBWAY TRAIN ON IT. A SUBWAY TRAIN ON IT. A SUBWAY TRAIN ON IT. A SUBWAY TRAIN ON IT. A SUBWAY TRAIN ON IT. A SUBWAY TRAIN ON IT. A SUBWAY TRAIN ON IT.

 

A SUBWAY TRAIN ON IT. Oops. That overflowed onto this one. This girl wore such a short skirt to Panera Bread, the rolls nearby rose from the yeast.

 

Click on this photo to enlarge. Now look at that woman's expression. Exactly, lady.

 

If you're gonna be top-heavy with a bag and sweater on top of six inch heels in the subway, hell yeah, you better stand in the center of the platform.

 

Obama. AC/DC. Together. Finally. For some reason. Now.

 

"Doug, since you're going to such an important meeting, you really should wear that nice suit. And we're not talking just one ponytail cinch. This is a big meeting, so wear two to really dress up."

 

Rome reople really rink rey ran ralk raround Rew Rork Rity ressed rike Raggy rom Rooby-Doo, rut rey are rerribly ristaken. Eh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh!

 

 "Where's the other pink armadillo-and-radiator sock to match this pink armadillo-and-radiator sock? Fuck it, I'll wear black socks, but it won't look right."

EADJ Demerits

As the first semester enters its second month, we at EADJ would like to remind everyone that we've adopted the demerit system on this blog. And unfortunately, we have a lot of demerits to give out.

• 1 demerit to those Aamco or Maaco or whatever the fuck commercials where those people make irritating car noises with their mouths.

• 1 demerit to Josh Brolin for not starring in anything awesome in the past 3 months.

• 2 demerits to Gisele Bundchen for opening her stupid fucking mouth again.

• 1 demerit to the word "defibrillator" for being so hard to spell or pronounce.

• 3 demerits to Paul Shaffer for still doing that "pointing" move.


• 5 demerits to Green Giant Steamers for reminding me of poop with your name.

• 2 demerits to Carson Daly for his hosting duties on "The Voice" and reminding us that he has no musical talent or charisma.

• 3 demerits to Asplundh. You know what you did.

• 8 demerits to guys who leave gum in urinals

• 2 demerits to Joel for having filmed ONLY ONE CRISS ANGEL MINDFREAK TRICK.

• 4 demerits to Four Square for not making me Mayor of Jiffy Lube #425 in Newark.

• 848 demerits to Bobby Brown.

• 3 demerits to Maybelline (no reason given)

• 2 demerits to that recent Tron movie for not being better.

• 7 demerits to my bladder for making me tinkle when I farted just then.