Showing posts with label taffy pulls. Show all posts
Showing posts with label taffy pulls. Show all posts
Thursday, November 3, 2022
Thursday, July 30, 2020
Once Again, It's Time To Say Goodbye To All The Shit That Marketers Want You To Say Goodbye To
Bye bye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!
Thursday, May 2, 2019
Friday, June 8, 2018
Today We Asked A Man With His Head Squeezed Between A Woman's Thighs To Describe The Nuclear Triad
"The Nuclear Triad?... Uh... Ah... Okay, I know this... Ahh... shit... That's the... uh, way to describe a nation's nuclear capabilities in war... OUCH!... Ah man... Like it's three things, right? Like, uh... ah... the nuclear missile systems and.... ah, nuclear subs, and ah... ahh... uh... the... um, nuclear bombs dropped from aircraft, right? Right?... Ah.... ah... I thought so... yeah..." *blacks out*
Monday, July 24, 2017
New Segment: Package Labels Behind The Scenes
The following packages all have distinctive imagery, so much so that EADJ went behind the scenes to find out what the process was to arrive at these memorable labels:
"Okay, X. I know you're a legendary rapper with a solid street rep, but do you think you could look more like you're smelling the Hot Pocket and maybe giving it a little respect?"
"I hate working with you."
"I hate working with you, too. But it's a paycheck. So suck it up, baby."
"Okay, we need a baby with a possibly mixed ethnic background– someone you couldn't just peg as 'Asian' or 'black.' I know, that's totally racist, but... WHOA, Amber, is that your baby??? He'd be perfect for this!!!!"
"All right, now hold the inhaler up to your face without bringing it all the way up... yes, and cock your head to the side like you're a cool mom and this is no big deal... nice... Hey, are you busy after this shoot? You wanna get some coffee?"
"Wait a minute for the fucking butterfly to land; we have low exposure lighting here. Okay, aaaand... FUCK! It flew off again! Put more of that fucking sugar water on the surface. It's coming back... and... FUCKING FUCK!"
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Behold, As We Brutally Assign Real Death Metal Band Names To Each Person In The NJ Transit Survey Brochure Photo
(Editor's Note: Play this song while reading)
Unleash the unholy, consume the damned, and feast on the entrails of death metal as we pair up members of the New Jersey Transit brochure photo with real life death metal band names.
1) "Jesse" = INACTIVE MESSIAH
Jesse's lack of engagement and sitting like a lump has earned him the same name as the Greek melodic death metal band, founded in Athens, and unsurprisingly known for letting their domain name payments lapse, leaving it vulnerable to a Chinese takeover.
Runner up: Painstruck
Jess was given the band name Ribspreader for no other reason than she was doing something odd with her hands down by her ribs. Not really much to elaborate with here, other than Ribspreader is a Swedish death metal band whose albums include "Bolted To The Cross" and "Congregating The Sick."
Runner up: Hatebeak
Beheaded is a death metal band from Malta who released the appropriately titled album "Recounts of Disembodiment."
No mystery why we paired Trina with The Chasm. Look at that cleave.
Runner Up: Goatwhore
Don, the self proclaimer, the self promoter, the "this guy" earns himself the new nickname Despised Icon. The band is a deathcore group from Montreal, Quebec and is notable for the use of two vocalists: Alexandre Erian, who takes use of a mid-range screaming technique and Steve Marois for the low growling vocals.
Runners up: Infernäl Mäjesty, Ebony Tears
The ineffectual Simon Peter gets a death metal overhaul via association with an Canadian "extreme metal band" from Vancouver, British Columbia. Strapping Young Lad started as Devin Townsend's one-man studio project but then didn't. They broke up in 2012.
Runner up: NonExist
Friday, September 4, 2009
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
A Quick Rundown of Joel's Thoughts on Certain Issues
The following are not actual quotes, but computer-generated hypothetical Joel musings:
ON EATING DICK: "I loves it."
ON THE BASSLINE TO KYLIE MINOGUE'S 'I JUST CAN'T GET YOU OUT OF MY HEAD': "Hypnotic."
ON PIZZA HUT CAVITINI: "I definitely have a love/hate relationship with that pasta dish. On one hand, it's a welcome, delicious alternative to the general sameness of Pizza Hut-brand pizza. But on the other, it's a tiny nasty dish of red spiral what-the-fuck."
ON THE LIKELIHOOD OF WIPING HIS BUTT WITH A PINECONE DURING A CAMPING TRIP: "4 to 6 chances."
ON THE TRUSTWORTHINESS OF CHIROPODISTS WHO MOVE YOUR APPOINTMENT AT THE LAST MINUTE: "The first time is forgivable. The second time is pushing it. The third, I think we need to discuss why you're avoiding me. Is it because I caught wood and started moaning?"
ON APOLOGIZING TO CARLA: "I'm sorry, Carla."
ON THE CANADIAN PRIME MINISTER'S DISSOLVING OF PARLIAMENT LAST SUNDAY: "A brazen maneuver of a loophole by Stephen Harper to keep the outnumbered Conservatives in power."
ON HOTEL WAKE-UP CALLS: "They're always nicer when it's a human voice."
ON BISCOTTI: "The harder and more almond-filled, the better."
ON PSYCHOBILLY: "It's an under-appreciated genre of music. The energy, vitality, and sheer talent of many psychobilly bands is undercut by the novelty of their songs' subject matter. A shame, really."
ON MISPLACING HIS IPOD: "Piss fuckburger."
ON SUCKERPUNCHING FRED SAVAGE: "Cruel but understandable."
ON TAFFY PULLS: "Makes me sleepy."
ON WINNING A STEEPLECHASE: "I wouldn't know."
ON LOSING A STEEPLECHASE: "All that time invested for nothing. Makes me mad."
ON PEOPLE THAT BLOW THEIR NOSE WITH THEIR HAND IN THE PARK: "Gross."
ON STACKING TOWELS IN THE CLOSET LIKE CURLED UP CORDS OF WOOD: "I'm all for it."
ON THE POSSIBILITY OF A ZOMBIE OUTBREAK: "I've stockpiled plenty of dick, so I'm ready for anything."
(pictured above, no wonder Toucan Cleric's Fun attracts roaches the size of rollerblades)
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
