Where are the MTV Veejay's Now?

Well, we know Daisy Fuentes is still promoting stuff.

Okay, to be fair, Martha Quinn, Alan Hunter, Mark Goodman, and Dan Cortez don't have their own brand of lobby broom and dustpan set. You go, Daisy!

 

Featured Speakers At the Next CES

The upcoming Consumer Electronics Show has booked some notable keynote speakers. Here's who to expect in Hall C:

• TAKIN Home Pregnancy Test CEO Mandy Takins will have intercourse with audience members to test out the latest kits

• Smuckers CEO Don LaGrippe will announce and smoke the new Goober Grape Vape

• Dirt Devil President Garry Rousseau will demonstrate the new "naughty" attachments

• HD DVD promoter Jessica Hundmann will return years later to complain how the HD DVD format was better than Blu Ray all along

• Samsung rep Xi Tsung will reveal the new fuckable TV

It's Time Once Again To Play Which Can, Cleric's Bun!

Match the toilet to their location below. To make this a little easier, we've included the mug shot of every Trump ally booked on charges in connection with efforts to overturn the 2020 presidential election results in Georgia:

Mark Meadows: Kokkari, San Francisco, CA

Kenneth Chesebro: Medieval Times, Lindhurst, NJ

John Eastman: Board and Brew Cafe, College Park, MD

Jenna Ellis: Museum of Sex, NYC

Sidney Powell: Sugar Loaf, Rio De Janeiro, Brazil

Rudy Giuliani: Bagger Dave's, Detroit, MI

Answers tomorrow!

Scooter Seat Was Glum

Scooter Seat was glum.

But Door Hinge was jazzed.

The Airplane Tray Twins were furious.

Dollar Store Box sat in the window like a cat.

Inspection Lock was happy to be working.

Drawers and Microwave just laughed and laughed.

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

MC Wile E. Coyote has a plan. Produced by ACME Studios.

But before E.T. boarded his spaceship and headed home, he lifted his finger and told Future, "I'll be right here... for an unnecessary collabo with Drake and 2 Chainz."

"I see you've recently changed the oil on your sedan. I can respect that. Someone who takes the time to maintain and care for their car will have great use out of it for years to come. That's something most people don't realize- they drive the heck out of a car, thinking it doesn't need to be taken into the shop until it's starting to break down. But you get it. You understand the importance of regular tune ups and... oh shit, WHERE ARE MY SHOES?"

Yes, it is possible to fail a Photoshop course.

Crip starter kits are only $119.99 with your Sam's Club card.

Few people realize that Drake is an amateur gemologist. Here are a few gems from his collection of rare glass doorknobs from old ladies' homes.

An A? I'd drop a whole letter grade because he can't spell "similes."

This could be a new age CD- I don't care. It is an awesome cover.

The Answers To Yesterday's Game of Which Can, Erickson?

1 correct = Lucky you

2-3 correct = Good work

4 correct = Impressive

6 correct = Go to hell, cheater

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

When Cassidy imagined it in a dream, it seemed pretty awesome. Now on an album cover it all just looks like a dumb screensaver.

Every play the bass so loud in your Lamborghini that it vibrates but you don't? The pigeon is unimpressed.

In "Redemption of the Beast," DMX makes a departure from his usual fare to offer reflective ballads and whispered spoken word about the human condition, climate change, and women's reproductive rights.

Once they took the photo at Picture People, they ordered five wallet sized, five 8x10 and five 4x5 that they can tape up in their cars' windowshades.

Not sure if he was born with this name, but if not, why would he want to be named after the busybody who relentlessly pursued Bill Clinton's impeachment to no effect in the 90s? Odd.

"That does it. I'm giving Pam five more minutes to show up, and then I'm getting lunch by myself."

Please tell me this is an urban re-imagining of "Beauty and the Beast" with talking microphones, sleepy blunts and a rapping mouse.

Nothing is more terrifying than a JC Penney model who starts robbing banks with a tea cozy on her head.

Yawn. So you spent five hours on an Etch-A-Sketch. Big whoop.

If gigantic anti-aircraft bullets didn't kill you when shot, they still might injure you pretty badly falling on your head.

"Oh no, Trixie, somebodymisappropriatedmyimageandaddeddreadlocksandstupidtattoosonmyfaceOOOHHHHH!"