When You're Out of Ideas, Just Reboot Something

New Perks of an AMC Stubs Membership

AMC's rewards program gains more and more members every month, primarily because of its growing list of perks and rewards. Here now are the latest benefits of being a Stubs card holder:

• If you nod off, we will rewind the film to where you were last paying attention

• Exclusive access to the upcoming "Passion of the Christ: Resurrection" popcorn bucket

• Diego can bake some hash into the chocolate chip cookies for you in the concession stand wink wink

• Text alerts for next time a movie starring that actor you like is playing

• Free spicy jalapeño nacho pretzel bites with purchase of XXL moon pie cookies & creme frozen blizzard shake diabetes

"Why Aren't People Watching Network TV Anymore?"

I dunno. Maybe because they don't want to see the 5th reboot of a show they watched 30 years ago?

The ProofrEADJer: Mid-To-End of October Edition

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

"We're in an ASSteroid field!"

"My daughter likes Kristoff. Make me Kristoff."

When your Adopt A Highway supervisor turns his head.

Not sure why this is terrifying. Maybe because it looks like a toy that would kill you.

A Parental Advisory sticker on this album? HARD TO BELIEVE!

When 41 frat brothers drive by your house twice.

Stamps. Acid sheets and postage stamps are original.

This could easily be a South American kids' program.

I found another stamp!

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To HBO Max This Month

Periodically, HBO Max renews or cancels titles based on their algorithm. Here now are all the shows that will be added to HBO Max this month:

• A Serbian Film : The Animated Series

• Bruce Willis is Phoning It In

• Gargling Justice

• Fox News Fact Checkers

• Literal House Flippers

Here are the shows and movies that HBO Max is removing from their lineup this month:

• Game Show: Can You Pass This Through Your Body?

• The Emo Bachelor

• Behind The Scenes of a Rural OTB

• Undercover Chinese Factory Boss

• Roseanne Reboot (starring Roseanne)

Spotted On A Neighbor's Roof

It looks like they're Run The Jewels fans.

Another Off-Brand TP Roundup

Brand: Brighton Professional

Brand Imagery: A swirling, gaping black asshole

Brand Promise: It's over before you know it

Feels Like: A Dremel tool on the basement door

Brand: MONOGRAM

Brand Imagery: Nothing except a blue bar

Brand Promise: A personalized approach

Feels Like: Hiding pine cones in your ass for later

Brand: CINTAS Signature Series

Brand Imagery: Elegant green S's

Brand Promise: A limited edition, special invitation-only event

Feels Like: A public, anonymous free-for-all on your butthole

Brand: Unnamed

Brand Imagery: A giraffe's hide?

Brand Promise: Like wiping with a giraffe?

Feels Like: Wiping with a giraffe

Brand: Unnamed

Brand Imagery: What looks like an arrowhead? Or a Star Destroyer from Star Wars? Or Superman sitting in a top?

Brand Promise: Sharp-edged object coming your way

Feels Like: Driving a knife where you shouldn't

The ProofrEADJer: A September To Remember Edition

Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Write A Vince's Uncle Roberto EADJ Entry

1) Find a multi-step instructional text–ANY text– to get started. Include the intro if you can.

2) Copy and paste that shit into your blog entry. Don't forget to include the requisite Uncle Roberto photo ("Drive4.jpg").

3) Add a snide comment by Uncle Roberto that's about him driving a limo but tangentially related to the lesson given.

4) Hit "post."

And speaking of "post," when leaving the limo, please don't hit a road sign with the door. That scratches the heck out of the doors and is very expensive to buff out. Exit safely, kids.

Let Me Be Your Pathmark (Pathmark) You Can Call Me Queen Bee

Yum.

After yesterday's EADJ Song Hate entry, a few curious readers* asked us, "What is that delicious treat that Rob Thomas is enjoying in that photo?" We tried to contact his booking agent Grabow to ascertain the treat, but our calls were not returned.

*Not really


So using the Internet and our own cognitive reasoning, we present the 4 most likely candidates:

1) Nutella Sandwich


Why It Could Be What Rob Thomas Is Enjoying: Right color, square shape; brown all around the edges, just like a sandwich.
Why It Can't Be What Rob Thomas Is Enjoying: Wrong size for a regular slice of bread; texture is too "Smooth" (sorry) for bread.


2) Fig Newton


Why It Could Be What Rob Thomas Is Enjoying: Correct color; generally right shape.
Why It Can't Be What Rob Thomas Is Enjoying: Fig newtons are brown only on the ends; WAY too big to be a fig newton.


3) Chocolate Ice Cream Sandwich

Why It Could Be What Rob Thomas Is Enjoying: Correct color?
Why It Can't Be What Rob Thomas Is Enjoying: Wrong shape; too thin to be an ice cream sandwich; plus, it would have melted during the shoot because it looks like "a hot one" (sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry).


Pepperidge Farm® Milano Cookie


Why It Could Be What Rob Thomas Is Enjoying: Correct texture; brown filling goes all around; right size! Plus, in a recent interview with "Interview" Magazine, Rob Thomas professed his love for Milano cookies, dating all the way back to 1999, THE YEAR THIS VIDEO CAME OUT!
Why It Can't Be What Rob Thomas Is Enjoying: Shit, wrong shape.