The Newest Guests To Join VidCon 2025

VidCon is the Internet's biggest live gathering of influencers, content creators and podcasters. Luminaries such as Helga the Doll Makeover Artist and Xylophone Tits have graced the stage in previous years. Here are the latest scheduled appearances and features:

• Class Action Lawsuit for the 2001 Cinnamon Challenge

• Pete Za moderates the manosphere pity party

• Jubilee: conservative podcaster Travis McDunnitt against 14 crocodiles who voted liberal last election

• Ragebaiter Mallory Suns heckles people in line to get in

• Calculate your Online Presence Quotient / Which Disney Princess Goth Mech Dragon Are You?

UAG

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

More Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Watched

"I love you, Milk Cow. I'm sick of skimming through this relationship. Let's take this to whole."

(translated from Spanish) "You think you're so tough? Then prove yourself with a frontside boardslide into a 360º ollie kickflip off that rail over there. OR DIE"

"Life has really been different since I left my Slanket in the dryer for 48 hours."

"Taste anachronistic chrome chain, you Roman motherfuckers!"

"Okay, we've seen the Eiffel Tower, the Arc de Triomphe and had a nice lunch at Les Deux Magots. Where to next, gang?"

"Okay, Hector, I've put on my bib and I'm ready for the lobster dinner, but why are you still trying to photograph boogers in my nose?"

Bruce Willis Still Can't Believe He's In Movies

"What? We're finishing this trilogy now? Okay, I guess."

"If you told me 10 years ago I'd be in a movie with THE Cole Hauser, I wouldn't believe you."

"Okay, I put the hat on. You happy? Where's my paycheck?"

"Mark-Paul Gosselaar? Okay, sharing billing with Zack Morris from 'Saved By The Bell' is all you need to know about my film career now."

"Do you want me to look intense over here, or..."

"... over here? I can do both. Heck, use one each for a different movie– I don't give a shit."

An Imagined Conversation

"Welcome, Mr. Foxx. We're really excited that you've agreed to be a part of this week's episode."
*nods head*
"By the way, I'm Amanda, the stage producer. This is your green room. Feel free to take off your coat and freshen up, and uh, just relax until we start shooting at 11."
*nods head, examines craft service table*
"Uh, you can, uh, hang your coat over there. Mink. Nice. And when you have a minute, your wardrobe is off to the side here- a pair of jeans and a simple golf shirt. I know you're not used to wearing something so plain, but people don't often wear shiny silver suits on Sesame Street."
*eats a peanut*
"Ahem. Yes. So, Barbara in makeup will be up in about thirty minutes. And Candace will help you with any wardrobe questions or fittings that you might need adjusted."
*nods absently*
"Are you going to eventually take off those sunglasses, Mr. Foxx?"
*ignores her, eats a peanut*
"O-kay... I'll be outside if you need me."
*yawns*
(muttered) "Asshole."

Friggin' Priorities.

Spotted in a Sesame Street fire safety coloring book:

Despite burning clothes, fur and the possibility of third degree burns all over his flesh, Cookie Monster makes sure he does NOT drop his cookie.

Wait a minute. He didn't have cookies during "stop" and "drop," so where did that cookie come from?

UNSOLVED MYSTERIES

From The Studio That Brought You "Jet Fuel," "Dark Magic," and "Kenya Kilimandjaro."

Having run out of ideas for movies after pillaging every comic book, novel and TV show for film ideas, movie studios have grown desperate, using everything from board games to Disney theme park rides to even break room coffee flavors as the basis for a movie script. The next step was only a matter of time: yes, the names of wildflower seeds from a Pathmark display in Union, New Jersey. Here now are movies that have been greenlighted for 2013 release:


"10 Grecian Windflowers"
It's "Eat Pray Love" meets "Leap Year." Isla Fisher travels to Greece to get away from her hectic marketing job and to "soak in the culture." What she ends up soaking in is the manly mixture of juices of John Stamos. Rwaawrr! Also starring Maria Menounos and Olympia Dukakis as the disapproving mother.


"5 Dutch Master Daffodils"
This Guy Ritchie heist picture stars Vinnie Jones as a cigar smuggler who has to hide at a floral shop run by Paulina Porizkova and Yvonne Strahovski but learns about kindness in the process. David Morse and Charlie Murphy play the two federal agents trying to find him. No deer allowed.


"I, Dahlia"
This erotic art film helmed by Tarsem stars Kathryn Morris as a young woman who stumbles upon her estranged uncle's (Ed Harris) prostitution ring in a remote town in Calgary. "Dinner plate size blooms" created by Stan Winston Studios. Julie Bowen as the prostitute with dinner plate size nipples.


"3 Lilies"
Rob Schneider, Adam Sandler, and Harland Williams dress in drag again, pretending to be a nonexistent sorority to earn enough credit to have money for something or other. Featuring Selma Blair and Ellen Page as the real sorority girls who had no idea that those were dudes! Directed by Brett Ratner in a fat suit.


"10 Anemones"
Pixar returns to the sea with this high adventure starring a motley crew of misfit underwater flowering plants who stumble upon a real life pirate treasure map. Featuring the voices of Christian Slater (Bubble Tip Anemone), Christian Laettner (Long Tentacle Anemone), Christian Bale (Saddle Anemone), Christian Magdu (Adhesive Sea Anemone), Hayden Christensen (Darth Vader Anemone) and David Cross (Giant Carpet Anemone).

"10 Sparaxis"
Chris Evans and Eva Green race against time in this futuristic tri-color psychological thriller. A killer horde of ten robots named "Sparaxis" invade Greenwich Village, and it's up to a pair of hip, friendly baristas to take a stand and defend their fair trade turf.

"The Hardy Perennials: Come Back Every Year"
Tom Hanks is the coach of the Hardy High Perennials, the most winningest varsity football team in state history with a star quarterback (Zac Efron), some great linebackers (Anthony Anderson and Ethan Suplee) and a kicker with a shoooort fuse (Charlie Day)! Bonnie Bedelia plays his tired wife, Liatris.

Dick -------------> Joel

It's tax time, and Joel filed his taxes via Turbotax.com to receive his refund more quickly. On his 1099 he listed "DICK" in the "Miscellaneous income and tips" box. The unfortunate entry, however, crashed the Turbotax server and caused everyone in Montana to receive $5000 free. The good people of capital city Helena showed their appreciation by naming one of their horse paths "Honorary Joel Eating Dick Way." Joel has also been invited to come visit and speak before a crowd of six in City Hall- two who are reported to own dicks- and Joel has enthusiastically pencilled it into his calendar.

(pictured above, three not very smart people would rather look at an ad for "America's Next Top Model" than seek shelter from a snowstorm)

**Update** The crashed Turbotax server has also inexplicably subtracted $40,000 from the account of a Galen Tomlinson, who played "Turbo" on American Gladiators from 1990-1996.