The ProofrEADJer: End of February Edition

Say Goodbye To Some Stuff!

Bye-bye! Goodbye! Buh-bye! Buh-bye! Bye!

 

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Create An Email Signature In Outlook

Email signatures can include text, images, your electronic business card, a logo, or even your handwritten signature. They look professional and can really give your work emails that extra something. Here's how to create your own:

1. Select New Email.
2. Select Signature > Signatures.
3. Select New, type a name for the signature, and select OK.
4. Under Edit signature, type your signature and format it the way you like.
5. Select OK and close the email.
6. Select New Email to see the signature you created.

And speaking of signatures, I sometimes still have clients use corporate printed vouchers. All they have to do is sign the thing and I give them a copy as a receipt. Print lives!

Stay safe, kids!

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Hulu This Month

Periodically, Hulu renews or cancels shows or movies based on viewer preferences. Here now are all the shows that will be added to Hulu this month:

• Financial Wipe Out!

• Ozark except it's by Hulu

• Stinkbugs In The Kitchen

• Gossamer Pubes

• QVC Footage Dubbed Over By Jamaican Dudes

• Skank Detective!

Here are the shows and movies that Hulu is removing from their lineup this month:

• Woodworking: Only Boring To Pussies

• A Long Slideshow Of Just "Before" Weight Loss Photos

• Stupid Shark Tank: Only The Dumbest Ideas Get Funded (aka Shark Tank)

• Waxing That Ass: The Donkey Hair Removal Specialists

• Behind The Scenes at Fox News: How The Lying, Toxic Sausage Gets Made

• "Hulu: Why It's Not As Good A Streaming Service As Netflix." A Documentary By Netflix

Design Takeaways From The Mural Above The Beverage Section At the Shell Station 463 in Union, NJ

1) Cars and drinks don't mix, especially if it's alcohol

2) You shouldn't stretch a photo of a car horizontally any more than 300%

3) The letters of script typefaces (in this case, Bitstream's Brush Script) were meant to touch to emulate handwriting

4) Avoid unnecessary drop shadows when possible

5) Make your mural worthy of spotlights!

Overall design grade: F

Today We Caption The Little Girl In The "Don't Blow It" Public Service Poster

1) "Blow harder, you lightweight."

2) "Mom, I'm not going to judge your life choices, mainly because I think some of them got me here."

3) "You blew only a .15? Sweet! I'll call my gymnastics class and tell them I'm going to be on time."

4) "Can I finish your margarita?"

5) "Maybe if I bail into these bushes she won't notice."

6) "Dad was right to leave you."

7) "Fuck it, I'll drive."

8) "I don't know if that thing measures bad breath, but my detector is off the charts."

9) "Why are we wasting our time with this? Just give me a Phillips screwdriver. I'll break the locking pins in the ignition and we'll be off, easy peasy."

Sorry, The Pathmark You Are Trying To Reach Is Not In Service. Sorry You Are Having Trouble. Goodbye.

Lobsterfest- You Know It, I Know It.

Editor's note: Since EADJ Lobsterfest entries have lately required the imbibing of alcohol, it was a natural next step that this one was created at a bar. David and Andrew drank at the Snickers Bar on State Street in Chicago last night, and with the help of two Stratosphere Dongs (whose ingredients are whiskey, Sprite & grenadine, remember) and the Dragon Dictation app on David's phone, they created the entries below.

Please keep in mind that the bar was very noisy and both David and Andrew were slurring by this time, so this is what the Dragon Dictation app spat out:

David: Take all the contractor and the tractor pulls great full of lobster meat across the street and then everyone comes the great and going to eat lots of crap that you get a couple dollars for it that's what terrific way to do it lobster red lobster fest at red lobster

Andrew: You're brought lobster by man wearing a long time Hawkhurst looks to be a tie for their inspection revealed Thai is entirely made of lobster Princetown encouraged Fissler the time off back by the time you get up closer than other regions of his face notice that this is actually painted white going to the that point they realize that you're actually Extrano for movie called Scalo lobster directed by David Platt straight to DVD so you can do a lobster around his neck and realize that you actually been giving pickiest Mashit lobsterman's with shallots

David: So I just found a way to reduce and make lobster meat microscopic to the point that you could create several gunships out of lobster meat ticket event this silicon chips of lobster meat into an electronics from there the computing can get only faster transistor radios iPods even leaving CB radios are made faster by this new technology the government tries to seal the button away from you but instead you turn all rights over to your local red lobster where they make the profit to pay you maybe 2% of it now that's one way to enjoy lobster at red lobster lobster fest y'all

Andrew: So we all know the way that hipsters like door at red lobster in on the fun counteroffer lobster Holdaway
Meeting shape Pat Hanna lobster with manly read and think that looking where to show their support for websurfer love you up for the unfortunate thing about the other non-thought out plan of this idea is that number one the bees invidious number two there assembled and I red lobster restaurants with overworked employees already have to much to do lobster at the lobster Deanza Furla to get Steerhead Isabel Chopperhead resulting in really

David: You play chess with his 12-year-old it's well-built beat you 20 times out of 50 was me that you would most the time so you Salabay Viene lobster invited 12-year-old to come join you at the restaurant but disease too young to drink you get drunk as he flops are watching it totally wasted one way to joy Lochshire Ludloff Sarala Mellotts about


Analysis: It seems that the beginning of each entry makes sense but quickly devolves into gibberish, either because of David and Andrew's rambling or because the Dragon Dictation app starts breaking down in a noisy environment.

Possibly the most remarkable but unintentional finds:
Deanza Furla
shallots
Steerhead Isabel Chopperhead
Pat Hanna

Feel free to use any of these as iPod playlists or vanity plates!

Carolyn Kinder Could Give A Shit.

Look. I've put out these candle holders. They're okay. Not my best work, but whatever. They're cherry with some chrome finishes on the top. I mean they'll class up your place a little, but I'm not promising anything.


My agent wanted me to start selling these things at Target and Home Depot. So okay, sure. No big deal. Knock yourself out. Go to town on it.


So when all my interior design colleagues started hating on me, saying stupid shit like I've "sold out" or that I'm "contributing to the mainstreaming of mediocre design" (nice one, Interiors Magazine), I'm like, whatever people. You're just jealous that I've turned my brand into actual cash. Not like you, Maggie Stonewall. How's that strip mall store going for you? Yeah, I thought so, you cow.

You know what? Fuck the haters. I put my name on some admittedly generic candle holders, but it's more than you've ever done in your life. Who are you to judge me? Whatever.

Joel's Gotta Eat Too

Still recovering from injuries made during a free running exercise (See Mar. 9 entry "Snack On a Dong, Joel) Joel decided to hire a chimp servant to aid in the housework.

The chimp, being a mere 10 months old, was too young and small to lift anything heavy like a dorm refrigerator or a kettle drum. So Joel had it simply serve him dick while he watched Judge Joe Brown reruns. The chimp proved to be quite reliable in finding suitable, edible dick. Joel even tipped it a fiver.

Unfortunately, the arrangement fell apart when the chimp found a swingset through an open window. Joel has been left alone, the squeakings of a swingset an insistent reminder of his powerlessness and solitude.

(pictured above, J'Net cannot BELIEVE what the Design on a Dime team did to that living room.)