At Long Last — The Answer To Yesterday's "Which Can, Erickson?"

How did you do?

0 correct: Understandable. It's a hard puzzle.

1-2 correct: Neat! You can hold your head up high!

3-4 correct: Lucky, I guess? 

5-6 correct: STOP STALKING ME

New EADJ Segment: Creators Explain

As a public service, EADJ would like to share our spotlight with those who don't have quite the massive audience we do. All summer, we will be featuring the creator of a beach toy and ask them to explain it and the inspiration behind it.

This week: Hurley Turwell, the inventor of Spyderball.

HT: Spyderball, man. It's like volleyball meets handball meets "Top Gun", man! Instead of a volleyball net, you got this crazy beach trampoline, and you gotta bounce it off the trampoline to score over the other team. The ball is smaller than a kickball, so you can grip it and really whale on the other team, man!

EADJ: Why do you call it Spyderball?

HT: Because the trampoline is sort of like a web, and you gotta really keep your eye on the ball, so you gotta SPY it, get it? 

EADJ: Are you on drugs right now?

HT: No way, man! I'm natural! You wanna play a few rounds of Spyderball?

EADJ: No, we're good.

Today We Caption The Little Girl In The "Don't Blow It" Public Service Poster

1) "Blow harder, you lightweight."

2) "Mom, I'm not going to judge your life choices, mainly because I think some of them got me here."

3) "You blew only a .15? Sweet! I'll call my gymnastics class and tell them I'm going to be on time."

4) "Can I finish your margarita?"

5) "Maybe if I bail into these bushes she won't notice."

6) "Dad was right to leave you."

7) "Fuck it, I'll drive."

8) "I don't know if that thing measures bad breath, but my detector is off the charts."

9) "Why are we wasting our time with this? Just give me a Phillips screwdriver. I'll break the locking pins in the ignition and we'll be off, easy peasy."

A Tribute.

Jerald Johnson MAJOR UPDATE!!!!!!

EADJ has just learned that Jerald Johnson, the dude heavily documented in previous entries, has finally CONTACTED TOM WEINGARD!

The email reads as follows:

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Jerald Johnson
Date: Thu, May 8, 2008 at 11:48 AM
Subject: [techpro] Where are you
To: txxhpro@mail.msny.o
I'd like to add you to my travel network on WAYN

-Jerald

Here is the link: http://www.wayn.com/waynsplash.html?wci=register_details


---------



The repercussions of opening this line of communication have yet to be fathomed. Think tanks around the globe are discussing what Tom's next move should be.

No word yet on whether Tom has clicked on the link to add Jerald Johnson as a friend. Tom's only comment so far: "freaking great."

Stay tuned to EADJ in the coming hours for the latest Jerald Johnson developments.

Word Up Your Arse

Nicknames for everyone!

Inspired by the President's penchant for handing out unwanted nicknames, Joel started dispensing his own to those around him:

His Long's Drugs pharmacist is now known as "Janky."

The dude with the big nose at the barber shop will hereforth be known as "Sunnuvagun."

His chimp servant will now answer to "Chad Yarborough." Why? No reason!

The cops that raped him that time will be called "Pushy and Penetrate-y."

Mr. Durwin, his neighbor from downstairs who accidentally killed his wife by running over her, will be labeled "The Widower-Maker." Janky!

And finally, every random dick that Joel eats he now calls either "Brad Harvey" or "Mel Kreilein." Why, Joel?

(pictured above, proof that Ponte Fresco hasn't made a heap of difference in the overall weight of 225 N Michigan residents)