Now Streaming On the Documentary Channel

Is fiction too fake for you? Then check out these sweet nonfiction-ish documentaries now on the Documentary Channel:

• Slap Fighting: the Private School Sport

• Hollow Earthers: Don't Laugh At Us

• Which Buffet Food Was Spat In?

• The Hoover Dam: A Concrete Fucking Masterpiece

• Cowboy Genitalia & Rodeos

• Aging B-Boys: Poppin, Lockin, and Fracturin''

• My Nuts, Your Eyes

• The First Low Earth Orbital Test of the Apollo I Command and Service Module and How It Proved The Haters Wrong and Shut Them Up Forever

More Godawful Taglines For A Bad Movie That Didn't Ask For Them

Design Takeaways From The Mural Above The Beverage Section At the Shell Station 463 in Union, NJ

1) Cars and drinks don't mix, especially if it's alcohol

2) You shouldn't stretch a photo of a car horizontally any more than 300%

3) The letters of script typefaces (in this case, Bitstream's Brush Script) were meant to touch to emulate handwriting

4) Avoid unnecessary drop shadows when possible

5) Make your mural worthy of spotlights!

Overall design grade: F

Sweat Pants, Hair Tied, Chillin' With No Makeup On, That's When You're Racist Appliances

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness, Week of August 20

Just in case you had never heard the first 6000 times he's mentioned it: 50 Cent once got shot. I think my mother knows this already. 

Hey, look. The ultimate YES album cover/sports car dorm poster.

And the award for Most Literal Album Cover goes to...

I honestly don't know where to begin here. I just didn't realize guys still shaved stripes into their eyebrows. I thought that went the way of Vanilla Ice in "Cool As Ice."

Here's the thing- if you don't call ahead and tell the front desk you want an EARLY CHECK-IN, you're going to be left waiting in the lobby like a plebe.

FKA twigs decided to really go for that booger at the next stop light.

"Hello? Do you know how to use Photoshop? No? Okay."

I can't tell if this is supposed to be that "James Bond" tunnel or if these two assholes are stuck in a clothesdryer.

I'm not a guns expert, but "all I know" is that a semiautomatic weapon doesn't need a scope on it.

The "KISS" font. The literal interpretation of a Jimi Hendrix lyric. I like it!

Jesus rolled dice for your sins?

N⚭.

Ooga Booga Racist Appliances!

Please Consider Purchasing Our Fine Products, BOOOOOYYYYYYEEEEEE!

I ordered some hip hop CDs from a company in Brooklyn and got them last week, along with some interesting flyers:



It looks like the beginnings of a true hip hop empire; synergy and diversification and shit. First up, some hip hop smokes:


You know there's gotta be some serious rivalry between the East Coast and West Coast Cigarillo Sales Divisions.


A true hustler likes his smokes to taste like grape. Even his miniature cigars (?!?!?!?)

Next up, three choices for energy drinks: Mac Dre brand, 2Pac brand, and general Hunid Racks brand. I can't tell if the list above the cans are things that go well with the energy drinks or if they're the names of rappers who enjoy the drinks. Especially "Hunid Thow-Wow." I thought I saw him perform on Kimmel last night. And wasn't Bread that seventies band that sang "If?"


But probably most interesting is the "Whats (sic) a Real Hustler?" section on the back, which helps an ad planning department define the Hustler demographic:


A hustler never uses apostrophes and is too busy hustlin to check for spelling errors. And "Construction?!" What ever.

What Matt Thinks 3: The Return of the King