UAG

The Worst Possible Things To Say While Playing the ECR4Kids Jumbo Four-To-Score Giant Game 4-In-A-Row Connect Game

Someone close to you has spent $159.99 plus tax plus shipping for the ECR4Kids Jumbo Four-To-Score Giant Game 4-In-A-Row Connect Game and is now enjoying it in the backyard with you and some others. Here now are maybe the worst possible things you could say at the moment:

• "What the fuck is this? I could've built this for you for like, $20"

• "Connect Four is the copyrighted property of Hasbro Corporation. This large version is an unauthorized use, and I will be contacting their lawyers."

• "I think about four of these could fit on my dick."

• "Have any of you seen that documentary Plandemic online? Very eye opening."

• "You're pretty good at this game, Jeff. When you're not DATE RAPING."

• "These look like donuts. But I probably said that because I'm fat. Nobody loves me. Will any of you love me even though I'm a fat piece of shit who can't hold a relationship down?"

• "No, seriously, I could put about five of these on my dick."

From Bilton Mradley, The Makers Of "Famished Famished Hippopotami" and "BattlingShips"

Introducing "4 In A Row," the Tic-Tac-Toe game that's nothing like Tic-Tac-Toe but a lot like another unnamed game by another, more successful manufacturer who charges twice as much!

"4 In A Row" plays just like Tic-Tac-Toe, but instead of three in a row, you need to get four in a row, and instead of a Tic-Tac-Toe board, you have this vertical rack where you drop checkers down in slots. It's like Connect Four, except for poor people. 

Pretty stealthy, bro!

"4 In A Row," by Bilton Mradley. Look for it at Big Lots, Rite Aid or at the toy section of any Pennsylvania Turnpike rest stop!

Let's Sloppily Eat Pumpkin Seeds Out of the EADJ Mail Sack!

Submitted by Tom Weingard: a rapper on myspace:


AWESOME. A rapper from CONNECTICUT! Lobstas in tha hizzy! All up in Martha's Vineyard 'n shit! Track #2, "The Youth Doesn't Get It" is actually sorta good.

No photos of EADJ, however. A click on his photo page just showed random vintage game consoles and an old Nickelodeon program. Which is cool.

Two Quotes

"Last night I had a dream that John Reid was gonna move to a new house, but he didn't want to leave his because the bar next door served him for free."

- Bill Dow






"It's awful. I dropped my ice pack. I got my wisdom teeth out... and that was more painful to see."

- Jessica, upon seeing the Goatse entry for the first time.

Laying it on thick

Things I don't expect to hear anytime soon from a cab driver:

"Those bike messengers are a pure delight!"

"You want to pay with a credit card? No problem, boss!"

"Why yes, I will hang up my cell phone so that I can concentrate on driving."

"Rice and Western? I know exactly where that is and will get you there posthaste!"

"You want a receipt? Here, take a whole pad of 'em!"

"You're right. Me blasting NPR doesn't make me appear any smarter. I'll turn it down."

"There are seven of you, and you're all obnoxiously drunk? Pile in, kids!"

"My name is Dean Hacohen."

"You don't have enough money? TUUUUUUUU!"

"You no make fun. My name really TRAN PHAT."


(pictured above, Nancy M watches as four gallons of sour cream are slathered onto her ginormous Morton's tater)