This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

Is that Bob Marley as the Virgin Mary? Is that BIRDMAN as JESUS? Okay... pass.

Nothing more luxurious than owning a private island shaped after your shitty tag from middle school.

Is that BIRDMAN as HITLER?

This is all fine, but who keeps bananas near the tub?

That awkward morning after where you just hope she goes back to her cave.

"No art school training?! You don't say!"

This what it looks like when you shoot a porno at a Picture People studio.

... and still no sign of talent.

Featuring the hit single "So What, No Fuckin' Ziti Now? (ft. Pitbull)"

The wicked enchantress turned the arrogant young prince into a middling rapper, whose curse could only be broken by multiple visits by the lovely and beautiful Spotify.

The ProofrEADJer, Spring Thaw Edition

Clarification Corner 2

Get it right!

Michelle Kwan is an Olympic medal-winning figure skater from Torrance, California.
Michelle Quan is a cosmetician as well as a superior teacher from Bay Ridge, New York who advertises in the "Brooklyn's Finest Shopping Guide" circular.


Michelle Kwan is the third child of Danny and Estella Kwan, Chinese immigrants from Hong Kong.
Michelle Quan was birthed from an Indian chief and a grizzly bear.


Michelle Kwan always wears a good luck necklace that her grandmother gave her.
Michelle Quan once stole some platinum rims off her boyfriend's Escalade to pay for insulin.


Michelle Kwan had a pet squirrel when she was younger.
Michelle Quan specializes in Brazilian waxing.


A fan of Michelle Kwan would respond to this Clarification Corner post with an irate letter, saying how dare I sully the good name of a true role model and Olympic champion, and that I'm just jealous and why don't I get a life.
A fan of Michelle Quan would throw a rock in my window and murder me.

Spotted: Dick

Larry and Flicklicker are the latest in a series of recent sightings of Scott Peterson's less-high more-obese twin. Here is Larry's write-up:

Yes. Flick and I had a SFVOSP spotting last night (My second of the day). Which I’m told means I have to write something about this glorious moment. But since I’m getting the sense that people are growing weary of this topic, I think I can get away with repurposing an old letter to Penthouse Forum.

Dear Penthouse Forum EADJ Editor,

I can’t believe this actually happened to me Phil and I. There I was in the Kinko’s just after midnight, we were on the escalator of the Illinois Center at 5:30, when there I saw this smoking hot cashier bent over a copier, in a sexy low-cut skirt, allowing me a view of her ass-crack. The SVSOP In ill-fitting Toughskins, which gave us a view of his ass-crack.

She stood up and she gave me a knowing smile. A smile that said we were going to fuck. The SVSOP looked at us weirdly. A look that said, “why the fuck are all these people staring at me?” We stared at each other for what seemed like hours and then she began fumbling for my jeans and the bulge in my pants I began fumbling in my pants for my cell phone. Before I knew it we were going at it like animals. We went at it everywhere. On computers. Scanners. Desks. She even let me stick a stapler in her ass. After a half hour of screwing each other’s brains out, we collapsed in a sweaty heap on the floor, repeating the act three more times in the next hour. It was a night I’ll never forget. The SFVOSP was gone before we could get a pic. We were disappointed.

Name Withheld Phil and Larry

(pictured above, the altercation captured on a Post It)