The ProofrEADJer: Mid April Edition

More Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Seen

"Can't you see? I love you and want to marry you... Jen. Or is it Julie?"

"I TOLD YOU I was telling the truth? See the evidence? That PROVES it!"

"I claim all of Park Slope, Williamsburg and Greenpoint. You can have Bushwick. Eww."

"How was it?" "Not great."

"Doug, I see why you moved up here. No yard work!"

"Jingle THIS."

"Honey, we should really invest in a Nest doorbell."

(translated from sea beast) "Have you tried this? It's delicious!"

Twitter's Least Used Hashtags, Week of Whatever Week This Is

Here are this week's least trending shitty hashtags for your nonuse in your Twitter feed:

#donaldtrumpplan

#orgasmregret

#joybeharsfineass

#raceriotmarketing

#anotherwordforzamboni

#donkeykongonplaystation4

#skippingStarWarsthisdecember

#dropsofjupiterukelelecoverbyme

#destroyingkaitlynjennerspussy

#stevenseagalssnapchataccount

#acingmyexamsbystudyingandnotbeingonsocialmedia

An Imagined Conversation

"Hey, you in the bright green spandex and the fanny pack– you can't roller skate in the post office. Can't you read the sign?"

"These aren't roller skates, man. They're way better; they're the coolest new invention."

"But you're skating around the floor of this post office like an asshole and scuffing up my floors. If that ain't roller skating, I don't know what is."

"Listen, man. These things are in-line skates, or 'roller blades.' See how all four wheels are in a row under my foot rather than like a skate? This allows me to travel a lot faster, plus they look cooool!"

"You look like a bobsled with legs. You look like a right asshole. And you're ruining my tile floor."

"Hey, it doesn't say on your front door 'NO ROLLER BLADES,' man, so I can do what I want!"

Clarification Corner 2

Get it right!

Michelle Kwan is an Olympic medal-winning figure skater from Torrance, California.
Michelle Quan is a cosmetician as well as a superior teacher from Bay Ridge, New York who advertises in the "Brooklyn's Finest Shopping Guide" circular.


Michelle Kwan is the third child of Danny and Estella Kwan, Chinese immigrants from Hong Kong.
Michelle Quan was birthed from an Indian chief and a grizzly bear.


Michelle Kwan always wears a good luck necklace that her grandmother gave her.
Michelle Quan once stole some platinum rims off her boyfriend's Escalade to pay for insulin.


Michelle Kwan had a pet squirrel when she was younger.
Michelle Quan specializes in Brazilian waxing.


A fan of Michelle Kwan would respond to this Clarification Corner post with an irate letter, saying how dare I sully the good name of a true role model and Olympic champion, and that I'm just jealous and why don't I get a life.
A fan of Michelle Quan would throw a rock in my window and murder me.

Later, During the Conference Call...