This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

Oh look. Gorillaz are back!

Jesus. Who around here hasn't contaminated the crime scene?

"Excuse me, when you're finished soaking your nasty toes, can I wash my goddamn hands?"

I'm not sure if this is an old mixtape (see the rappers' names) or if this is a purposeful throwback with old mixtape design. Any guesses?

One of the fun things about big compilations like this is that you get to see how thrilled everyone is to be there.

A scarecrow for when you want to scare off fans of non-preachy rap.

The cashier at Wawa was not impressed.

Oh cool. A pharmaceutical sorority. I had a friend who joined one of those in college. She didn't rap, though.

His ancestors lay down some legendary farts.

R.I.P. Vern Troyer, who appeared in one of the illest rap videos.

Oh Say Can You Pathmark

"Excuse me, which aisle are the dumbbells in?"

"They would be Aisle 14, next to Ocean Spray Cranberry Juice."

Urinal Pubes Was Feeling Glum

 

Urinal Pubes was feeling glum.

 

Decorative Porcelain Sphere was confused why.

 

 

Cigarette Ashtray was unimpressed.

 

 

Drive-Thru Overhang was happily oblivious.

 

 

Skyscraper Windows didn't believe a word of it.

 

 

 File Boxes were unmoved.

 

But Toothbrush Holders were shocked.

 

 

And so was Emergency Light/Oval Sconce(?) Combo.

 

Gas Station Salad couldn't believe it.

 

 

Safety Belt Holder remained mum.

 

 

Two Tiki Candles and Picnic Blanket also held its tongue.

 

 

Stepladder Paint Holder just laughed it all off.

 

 

Two Half Apple Boxes stated their disapproval.

 

 And Toilet Bowl grumbled his displeasure.

 

Lady's Creepy Backpack laughed.

 

 

 Phone Plug thought it was hilarious.

 

Featured iTunes Icon was confused.

 

 

Door Open Icon felt depressed...

 

 

... while Door Closed Icon got angry.

 

VCR Buttons cracked a few inappropriate jokes.

 

 

And Scooter Butt remained stoic.

Party!

In the December issue of NJ Kids' Directory, we spotted an ad for a party venue called Once Upon A Party, which seems to be prepared for pretty much any themed party:


(It's "under new management," so you know there's less kidnapping.)

After calling the place, it turns out that the list of parties in the ad isn't their full menu. Here are some additional themed parties that they didn't have room to include:

• Bachelor Party
• Key Party
• Monkey Adoption/Abandonment Party
• Mommy Just Needs To Sit Down For A Minute And Have A Scotch Party
• Pity Party
• It's Time To Grow The Fuck Up Party
• Tea Party (Which Claims To Be About Less Government Intervention And Fiscal Responsibility But Actually Can't Stand The Thought Of Having A Black President)
• Spread Lice Party
• Dad Paid Alimony Party
• Sweet 16 Party
• Sweet 36 Party
• Basque Nationalist Party
• Compulsory Attendance Party
• Party That None Of These Little Shits Will Ever Remember
• Canker Party
• Fudgepacking Party
• Intervention
• Heavy Metal Parking Lot Party

Sublime Nonsense #4 or 5, I Forget Which

Click to enlarge:

Dammit

Another two 5-letter words I wasn't psyched about seeing together.

Tianna momentarily comes out of rehab

(pictured above, Tianna helps Balls and Andrew model the sweet fucking new Thumper Thursday t-shirts.)