The Newest Perks of an AMC Stubs Membership

"Even heartbreak feels good in a place like this."

That's total bullshit, but being an AMC Stubs member does make heartbreak a little easier to bear, thanks to the latest perks and bonuses such a membership can get you. Check it out:

• You can sleep in our projection room with your friends and survive a catostrophic comet extinction because of the lead-lined walls

• Free Jujubes if you can find them

• AMC Stubs members can drive drunk in our parking lot (we are NOT responsible for DUIs off of theatre property)

• You can use the exclusive SKIP button that appears on all movie trailers

• 3D movies will have a 45% less chance of sexually assaulting you

• Members can watch up to 4 movies a week, for free! Who needs a life?

• Free lasik surgery for anyone who forgot their glasses

Three Chords And the Pathmark

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Netflix This Month

Due to contract changes, the following movies and TV shows will be removed from Netflix starting this year:

• The Fake Housewives of Nonproblem Bitchville

• Ray Donovan, Uber Driver

• Game show: "Is That My Finger?"

• All About Sullust, the Outer Rim Planet in the Star Wars Universe

• Project Runaway Tank

• So You Think You Can Collate

• Shitbird Dance Party

• Hé Hau (the upscale French version of Hee Haw)

The following movies and TV shows will be added to Netflix this week:

• Project Manager Wars

• Oversensitive Real Estate Dandies

• Extreme Ophthalmology

• Flip That Slum Property!

• Honey Boo Boo: On Parole

• Egon Spengler: Before He Was a Ghostbuster

• Cabbage