This Week in "Chicago Whatever"

NBC continues to triple down on their public servant drama shows. Here are storylines for the "Chicago" shows this week:

Chicago P.D.

Chancellor Hardwick discovers what looks like a sewer system treasure map. Karla reveals to Connor she knows about the affair. The hot dog eating contest changes venue from Portillos to Weiner's Circle.

Chicago Med

As Chief Surgeon, Sheila announces that latex gloves are mandatory in operating rooms. A prank rivalry on the 4th floor threatens the safety of the neonatal unit. EMT trainer Douglass discovers hentai.

Chicago Fire

Battalion Chief Onutsa gets addicted to Ozempic. Terry's wife gets promoted over him as Fire Inspector. The Moon Patrol arcade machine in the station breaks.

UAG

Twitter's Least Used Hashtags, Week of September 15

LEAST used hashtags. Least used.

#NFLheroes

#bangerzonvinyl

#hangingwithISIS

#dickcheneynipnips

#theoutfieldreuniontour

#walmartpowerwalking

#andersoncooperinathong

#DMXchildrensbookswhat

#sometimesimsoproudofmylabia

#spendingqualitytimewithkimjong

#icancumactualpancakebatterjustwatch

#ineverfoundjoanriversorrobinwilliamsthatfunny

#myhighschoolprincipaloncetoucheddickswithmeandwespooned

Without A Trace

Last Wednesday, I walked by that pay phone where I originally found that excellent huge dick collage/painting, and bizarrely, it wasn't there no more:

This was last Wednesday, the same day that President Barack Obama said he supported gay marriage. COINCIDENCE?

I still have that bad boy at work, by the way. Good thing I rescued it.

Andrew Dice Clay Is Still Doing It

The following are transcribed from a January performance at the Funny Bone Comedy Club in Omaha City, Nebraska:

"Yankee Doodle came to town
riding on a pony,
stuck a feather in some chick's pussy
and she got toxic shock syndrome! Ooooohhhhhhhhh!"

"This little piggy went to market,
this little piggy stayed home,
this little piggy had roast beef,
and this little piggy ate some broad out in a Port-a-John and got Hepatitis C! Boom! UnbeLIEVABLE!"

"Hey Diddle Diddle...
Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC would like to you to sit right over there! Let me tell ya, ShabbadabbaDOOM!"

"Little Bo Peep, lost her sheep,
and didn't know where to find them.
Hey, bitch, who told you to leave the kitchen in the first place? Go make me a sandwich, because you're a woman, and you're supposed to do those things! Ooooohhhhhhhhh!"

"There was an old woman who lived in a shoe,
she had so many children, she didn't know what to do.
I know what you can do, lady. You should keep your legs crossed from now on, because you obviously are promiscuous and should be ostracized for being sexually active, because we men have a double standard when it comes to sexual behavior like that! Am I right, fellas? Boom! Helllll yeah!"

"Twinkle Twinkle Little Star,
why am I obscure now, but other shitty comedians like Dane Cook and Larry The Cable Guy are literally filling up stadiums? Ooooohhhhhhhhh!"

UAG

Can Bands Stop Doing This Now?

Spotted on an mp3 album download website, a glut of band names:


(click to enlarge)

AWESOME YouTube Comment O' the Fortnight

From the YouTube page for the song named "Yatta!" a great comment by 23-year old AtheistAssassin13:

"God, this song kicks your mother's ass and forces your family to watch. That's how awesome it is."

"CNN is Now For 12 Year Olds."

That's a quote from my wife. And she's right.
This is on CNN.com's front page:


For mo' better news, go to

BBC
Real Clear Politics (thanks, John Reid!)
and even Google News which compiles different sources.

(My favorite dinosaur is the nonexistent Brontosaurus, btw)

Let's Slip Some Date Rape Drug Into the EADJ Mail Sack With Our Red Baseball Caps On Backwards!

Submitted by Tom Weingard, the moment in the trailer for "The Education of Charlie Banks" where he decided not to watch the movie:



Are you serious. God, you are serious. Fuck you, Fred Durst.